Fruitful Day (from livejournal)

Today is one of the most productive day. More of these will come because my class has started. Although it is just an introduction, I felt like I've learned a lot. And I'm so looking forward to more of these classes in years to come - if God is willing.

I'm supposed to go and see a doctor today to get appointment from the polyclinic to the National Eye Center. I guess fear got over me a little and I decided not to go today. I'm not all that strong as people would like to think that I am. I don't see why I must show that I am strong - is that to induce pride or to tell people you are dependable? Nobody is dependable, only God is. If people cannot accept my weakness, then so be it.

I've been catching the Duggars on YouTube. Came across this episode that their eldest son was getting married. Although the couple's love kind of made my hair stand, I'm so thankful to God that such love actually exists now, and it's like the sweetest you can find. Godly man, woman, relationship and marriage - I can see from them. As I look upon my life, there's a sudden comfort telling me that I can have one too, and I would like to believe it is God who was comforting me.

I'm not mourning over the relationship loss now. I believe Yancey's book helps a little - to do something allows the pain to lessen. To be idle means to allow room for pain. So whenever I am idle physically or mentally, I choose to watch inspiring shows like those about the Duggars or just prepare my students' stuff or just sleep. Never let my idle mind become a devil's workshop.

Anyway, the thoughts of how to reconcile with "him" kept flooding my mind. Until I have to pray to God to please get them off my mind because I don't know how to imply it and "he" would think that it was my last minute desperation treaty to go back to "him". I told God that if His will is to let us be together, He'll be able to let it all fall nicely into our lives.

Tired. Need to rest.