Time alone

Today I've decided to have time alone. No friends, no YAF, just me, myself and God. Here I am in the downtown of Singapore, looking at mostly unsaved people enjoying themselves. Then it kind of reminded myself that my eyes should be on heavenly rewards, and not earthly pleasures: "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33 NASB) of course, it would be good if I can serve and witness to them. Like one of the brothers in church mentioned in Facebook, we must be like the waiter in the restaurant. ;)

Today I have no idea why I keep linking my loneliness to "him" again. As he was being himself, I start to reminise those good old days. That's when I keep telling myself that it's only a temporary happiness. With him it may not last at all because his eyes are on earth - to earn a lot of money, thinking that with that happiness in relationship will work. He had forgotten that being in a relationship money is not the only basic thing - fellowship is important. I can still remember how much I want to talk to him just like the past but whenever we meet, nothing really comes out of it. He tried to love me in a earthly way while I try to turn it into a something emotionally. We both were foolish and as I do my best to have self-control, I pray to God that we both will find someone more suitable for ourselves. We clearly are not suitable for each other at all now.

Seriously, I do not know how to knock so hard to God that I really want a partner. I feel kind of desperate.. Not for boyfriend, but for a completeness of life. I just want to love I suppos. You know, now everywhere around me are couples. Not jealous, but would really like to love someone right now, someone really godly. I wonder how it's like to love someone godly..really can't wait to learn more. Alright, I'm falling asleep while typing. Talk more tomorrow. ;)