Reflection

I realized that God has been asking me to reflect. The whole thing just intensifies when almost everywhere is telling me I've lost focus. Not on work, but on God.

I prayed about what else I can do and stuff, and also ask what God would like me to do. Is there anything else I can do?

I went to Tecman to buy books. I remember feeling not too happy about one of the book but I ignored it and bought it anyway. While I was speed reading the book, I realized that it isn't that extreme, but no doubt it has a little value from the world. It can be considered a rough guide, but I won't pick the entire book's content for application.

I've also bought evangelism book. Some Ang Bao with bible verse and two CDs. Never regret buying the CDs. Those CDs are great! There's a compilation of 51 worship songs, as well as those that are for relaxation QT. I like the relaxation ones because it really lift your mood, making you feel so much better. The author of the Questioning Evangelism book is a Campus Crusade worker who has served for 20 years. The examples he listed in his book is really straightforward. I'm not a great fan of Lucado or Yancey or C.S. Lewis, I think I'd prefer straight-to-the-point and bullseye hit. No emotional attachment unless it is used as examples. Authors like MacArthur would do me good. :) Perhaps I'm so straightforward that it does shock people. :p

I guess I'll be like this - stagnant for a while until SS Camp is over. I love my Lord, and perhaps I expected myself to give to Lord too much that it kind of become an idol in my life - to do good works for Lord to glorify Him for my own personal sanctification.

Yesterday I was sharing with a sister in Christ about finding good life partner, etc. I shared that my parents literally nag at me for not getting a boyfriend, and that she's younger and parents did not nag, so she shouldn't be brooding over such things. Like trying to make herself feel better, she added, "Oh ya, you are older than me." {-.-"} hee..ok la, it's the fact but it still stings sometimes. lol.

Anyway, I've kind of settled down about being single for the rest of my life. I've even pictured myself being single, stay on my own and blessing people around me with the blessing God has given me. I guess this 'idol' is away from me now, but come to think of it, I may not be a good wife and mummy anyway. I leave it to my sovereign God; I may not have figured it out, but my Father God has already planned it long long long time ago even before I was born. It is such a great assurance! Whatever He has planned, it's good for my heart, soul, and life. I guess I need to have some kind of reminder for it.

Alright, got to go settle a lot of stuff. God bless!