The 3rd day of changed plan.

I failed miserably today. I couldn't sleep last night because I did not exercise (I reached home at 11.05pm and figured I could not sleep at 12mn). Instead, I watch TV till 2.30am, bathed and slept at 3am. Woke up at 11.30am, feeling miserably about the whole thing. Seriously, procrastination really kills time and well-being.

I'm gonna try again today since I end work at about 9pm. PRAY PRAY PRAY that I'll follow my schedule otherwise it won't work. Of course, adjustments have to be made to ensure that I don't feel overwhelming tired.

Speaking of tiredness, mum fainted in the toilet because of exhaustion. Sadly, nobody knew what exactly happened until she came out of toilet. My heart hurts so much and yet due to my inability to show piety and support, I can only offer cold comfort to my mum, tried to help her with chores, and pray that she will quit her job soon and my ability to give her hundreds of dollars for allowance. My circumstance tells me that I need to get over studies and work full-time. My motivation for family has always been strong. Just that I don't know how to express it, which needs a lot of work.

Speaking of expressing, dad took the initiative to bring me to my last student yesterday. I seized the opportunity to have a father-daughter talk with him. It turned out well. We soften our hearts and talked like family: about mother, about brother and things like that. Thank God for such opportunities. I just want to show that God did not take me away from them; He allowed me to be stronger and more sensible because I have another loving spiritual family that helped me this way. If they see it as a good thing, they'll be curious to see this new family I have and would want to be loving and a part of such family. I'm also thanking God for the book I borrowed from church library. It has been selfish on my side, and this book showed me why they're acting the way they are.

Having devotions back really helps in my christian life. I do notice that without devotions, it is hard to walk the christian walk. It'll be painful and scary, like no life in all. Having heed the Duggars' advise on having devotional in the morning helps, because the first thing you do in the morning is to talk to God. I'll usually have a prayer after devotions to state what I've learnt and what God wants to tell me. If in doubt, I'll highlight the verse in my iphone bible and ask when I get my hands on anyone who is more wise in knowing the word of God. I'm still looking forward to Precept next week! :D Colossians should be good, I hope! lol.

Faith and trust are all I can give God. However, He gives me more than that: love, comfort, acceptance, strength, discipline, providence and many more. Without them, I cannot be strong and I cannot tell the world how much God loves them. Although I love to pray with my family before meals, or when they are feeling down we can pray together but I find it hard to do so because that wall between my family and me is still there. Please pray for me as I find courage to ask if I can pray for them. :)