Today marks the day I first written down my deepest pain to date. As much as I hate self-pitying, I created this journal in hope that I can overcome my grief and find my life that God has presented to me.
If possible, I would like to eat and sleep like Isaiah when he was depressed so that I can rebuild myself again. Unfortunately, I have no such luxury in doing so because I am still clearing a huge debt made before I received Christ. I feel no joy, except those short-lived ones from Christian books to remind myself not to sin. The added loss of a failed romantic relationship and a discouraged family relationship because of my new-found faith really caused me to be in my new low. Even church friends seem so distant.
So here I am, hoping that God will send me some kind souls to build me up, guide me and help me in any way possible. Of course I think I'll be expecting atheists around, but I do hope that my life displayed here will be a glorifying testimony from God to them.
That's about it. I'll just rest after crying for unknown times for the past half a year. God bless.
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