I remember there was a time when I do look forward to having fellowship and stuff. Partly because we encourage each other when we all are feeling down (we are no saints and we do have painful and down times) and that kind of fellowship is something I seriously look forward to.
However, as time goes by, the desire to have fellowship dampens because of financial issues. I do find myself shutting up from others even though there's a desire to break free. As if shutting myself isn't bad enough, those negative emotions starts to creep in like mini leeches, trying to suck the life out of me.
"Joelle, you are not ready for advancement in life" is something I'll tell myself. Imagine struggling my life as an individual, it could get worse when more things are in my life. 俗话说,"赔了夫人又折兵","两边不靠岸"。Since there's nothing I can do about my current life, I might as well thank God for it and do my best everyday; rather than mourn and be bitter about not being able to grow which I think will give in to the devil more opportunity to plant the seed of unrighteousness in me.
Still learning how to be contented.
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