Thanksgiving sickness

Although I dislike being sick, I thank God for the reminder to ask me to slow down.  My sickness is making me feeling really depressed. I wonder how many people want to be genuinely cared for by the one you really want them to care for you. One sentence from that someone is more than ten sentences from others. I thank God that I still cherish His encouragement and wisdom to sustain me till now.

I know I have overworked myself. In my desperation, I keep adding things into my life and tell myself that I am learning, which I still am. Recently I've entered this phase of self-examination - what does God want me to do and am I doing it? Am I following Him or just a sheer desperation to move on from my past? Why I cannot move on from my past? What have I missed?

Remember I mentioned about finding a godly mate? God showed me that even if He gives me now, I cannot love him completely. If such things about people asking about me and courtship, my instinctive reaction is to run away from it, which I was surprised by how I am about to feel. I find it hard to combat loneliness and yet I find it hard to accept anyone to be closer to me. I remember reading about someone being hurt so dramatically that nightmares come every night and I was unable to comprehend it. Now I realized it could be real after all.

I'm still looking forward to the late November trip to Thailand and learning new things. I'm not exactly someone who falls sick easily but when I do, I will get into the worst-case-scenario sickness like now. I'm kind of waiting for fever to come next, but I'm thankful God has been sustaining my body and allow it to cough out a really big phlegm this morning while teaching.

Tomorrow I'm going to get my brother involved in making Teachers' Day card. This year their presents (all 13 of them) are keychains, mostly encouraging and motivating. I imagine them looking at it every time they feel down in teaching and remember my brother who usually cause trouble will grow up to be a great kid who're willing to learn better. A little drama at my side right? I find it hard to accept myself but I will learn to do so because Jesus accepted me even before I was even born. He hand-picked me to be His disciple and I am forever grateful for that because my final destination doesn't end up in hell.

I just need some boost. Again, another practical lesson to teach me to submit to Christ. :)