Today is eventful. I may have to pay for mission. Thank God for His providence, I may be able to pay for it, by clearing my last debt a little slower than expected.
No doubt when I was told that I may have to pay for the ticket, I was a little disappointed. Not with the church, but probably with myself. Perhaps I should be prayerful about it instead of asking church to pay. Perhaps I shouldn't agree to mission so readily by ignoring my current situation. Perhaps God wanted me to learn something else: if you don't want people to know about your past, etc, then don't expect them to understand that you really have no money even if you are interested in doing godly work.
I guess this is also a test of faith on my own. Do I stop working for God? No. I'm surprised when my first thought and action was to calculate how much I'll earn this month and whether I have the ability to pay. After I know that I may have the ability to pay, I heaved a sigh of relief and thank God. Suddenly the thought of drawing out from the mission came and at the back of my head was asking: "why you did not think of withdrawing from the team?" Good question, I don't know.
Today "he" came to church. I thank God for that. During pastoral prayer, I prayed that God will keep him close. I don't quite feel much about anything anymore. I thank God for a brother in Christ like him to pull me out of the gates of hell. I also saw his ex. Thankfully she's someone who is true to God too. I praise God for her also.
I know I'm distracted. I'm so scared that I'll turn lukewarm. I thank God for protection to prevent me from sinning. I also thank God for blankets of comfort for me. I will continue to build my armor so that I'll not drift away from God. I pray that others will not be discouraged and keep close to God.
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