Christmas Day & Boxing Day

I had an all-time-alone Christmas. First of its kind, but was actually enjoying because I ended it early after a thorough shopping spree for Chinese New Year. I figured that I won't have time to shop hence took that Sunday when those closest friends of mine are all overseas doing God's work. It was a time well-spent.

I've actually saved about $90 from the post-Christmas sale. Not so bad for me, because I saved a lot. Mostly from Uniqlo, because I've finally bought my much-awaited cargo pants. I had a simple and fast Fillet-O-Fish meal after traveling down from church to Tampines with an empty stomach since I woke up.

Anyway, I went home around late noon and had the Bah-Kut-Teh dinner with broccoli and carrots and codfish. Bah-Kut-Teh was my special request for granny. I love it whenever she's here with us for a couple of days. She kind of soften the hostile mood at home and she always cooks nice dinner for us.

I slept at around 7pm and had a good, deep sleep. Thankfully, my Christmas isn't that bad. At least most of my time are all well-spent.

Boxing day is a teaching day. I have 3 students today and it wasn't that bad. I'm still waiting prayerfully for those students to take my tuition seriously. I'm thankful that at least 3 are taking it really seriously. For the rest of the 10, I can only pray for God's mercy on them as they start to understand the true meaning of tuition.

I have a sister in Christ who is stranded by relationship problem. I understands her pain and confusion as I relate to her problems. As I try to dissuade her from having those painful thoughts while focusing on the better ones, I can't help but think that usually, we always put ourselves first. Our pain, sorrow, unhappiness, complains, from us before we begin to hear from others. I was like that when I was having a relationship. I can't help it because I was feeling insecure about their love for me. What I was certain: the pain was there. As I continue to put myself into her shoes, I realised that she's in so much pain that she just want to end it.

I replied her, "If you insist, no one has the right to say anything; but you have to make sure that you don't regret this in future."

After that, I stopped my relatedness and begin to ponder: with eagerness, I longed for someone to care, to share and to build a togetherness in a godly way. Definitely, my way of handling relationship will be different from her. I'm not saying that God isn't fair because as I grow spiritually each day, I begin to embrace my singlehood; rather scarily, I'm anticipating it. I'm thankful for the rest and starts to think that if I were to have a lover, I won't be able to enjoy that. I find myself seeking solitude and was contended not to seek a second opinion. I'm an individualist, and somehow, no matter how much I want it, relationship scares me.

"I may not be able to go for mission trips as and when I like it."

"I don't think I can find someone who's gracious enough to accept my family."

"I'll cause a lot of hurt to someone because of my past if I were to be with him. It's better not to have one."

"Am I really ready for one? Perhaps being alone is better."

All those thoughts are just tip of an iceberg. Seeing how this sister got hurt, I think it's better not to have one.

However, if God gives, I'll take obediently and humbly. I should be able to differentiate whether it's God's gift or otherwise. I'll do my best to protect myself no matter what. I will continue my life as an individual while working with him. I should try to love him as how God loves me. Of course, talk is cheap. I'll see how God wants me to be a blessing in any way.

Ok, I'm deviated from my topic. Either way, I pray that this young couple will do whatever it takes, according to God's word and plan, to love and grow this bud of love.