I went shopping with my mum and brother. As usual, my brother was the nonsensical one. He definitely made me feel angry with him, just like my dad.
I also talked aggressively about my belief today with daddy. Mum and grandma just stayed quiet in his cab. I don't know what got onto me; I am still definitely worried about my daddy's false belief about Christianity. There are different kind of non-believers, and my dad is definitely the one who wants to be heard but doesn't want to listen. Even with logical reasoning, he'd rather believe that his understanding is correct. However, I'm thankful to God that he's not a pro-atheist.
Mum took the initiative to discuss about the unreasonable request grandma made again. I'm grateful that she thinks this way. At least, I'm not the only one feeling that it's an unreasonable demand. I will not do as she says because it's beyond my ability. As for the rest of my family, they shall do what they deem fit. I will not persuade or whatsoever. If they choose not to be understanding, then I have nothing to say. My action says a lot more than words: not that I'm unwilling, but because I have no ability to do so.
My fellowship with my maternal family was nice. It was a simple, close, warm family fellowship that made me feel really comfortable. I even had wii game session with my cousins. It wasn't over the top; it was just something that focuses on sharing but (unfortunately) not on Christ.
Perhaps I should write a testimony for my parents in mandarin soon. Tell them how much I'm humbled in front of Christ, how I feel more like a family at church, and how much I yearn for them to trust in Christ. This writing should be only for them. I shall prepare 稿纸 soon to write; from the beginning till the end.
Right now, I cannot even sleep. Partly because of what had happened today, while another was the brother who owes me money. After long thinking and talking to God about it, I've decided to write off the debt if he's unable to return me the money by this year. Not that I'm rich, I am just tired from hoping that that sum of money can help take off a little bit of load from my debt shoulder. I'm tired of thinking of means and ways to make my tears fall so that he can just return me the money. After all, another five days of instant noodle will not kill since I've been eating it for two weeks already, right? As reluctant as I may feel, this decision has so far given me the most peace.
I really feel a heavy load off my shoulder; it was just like the time when I decided to be baptized. Seriously, "strike it while it's hot" was the only thought I had when I decided to be baptized. I've publicly declared my belief and I need to "walk the talk" in order to have my belief be taken seriously by everyone.
"Although I am not be perfect, but I'll do my best." - one of the lines from Korean drama, Bread King
Alright, I shall try to get that 2.5hours of sleep before going to church. Don't want to miss it again.
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