Disappointment in him and myself

Today I erupted. After months of bearing it grudgingly, I finally erupted.

I can say I don't like him in my family. When things are good, he is always nice. When things are bad, he can bring tens of years of history and accuse us. Even when we did not want him to worry, knowing that he'll be like this.

I can shamefully and admittedly say that I hate him. To a point I kept asking God why He brings such a person into my life? Why is my family giving in to him? Even when he's wrong? This time, nobody is wrong. Yet he accuses us of the things that has not came into our minds. How could he?! Doesn't he treat us as a family?! Why does he say such hurtful things everytime he's angry?!

I know, I'm so far from being from what God would like me to be. It's all in scriptures, and yet I find it hard to go through on my own; yet I don't know how to open myself like a book to everyone else. I've always thought that no one is obliged to help me.

Somehow or rather, I felt God's calling me to approach someone; this someone to disciple me. This someone to open up myself like a book, and this someone can help me without judging. This someone is older than me, and this someone is from my church. I pray that that person is willing to disciple me.

I suppose that emotion got the best out of me. Dad wanted me to pay part of the utility bills and give mummy allowance. I'll do it not because he requested it, but because I've promised it two months ago. I may need to postpone my cornea transplant to next year's Dec. I also heard God asking me to say sorry. In whatever way, He wanted me to say sorry to him. Im still thinking of what to say so that it may sound sincere. May the grace of God sustaineth me forever.