I'm feeling better. Have started studying and waking up early. I've actually restructured my room with mum and sis. At least, no more aircon water dripping on my bed.
I've yet to pack my stuff. Placed my printer on my brother's table but decided against it. One of it is I don't want to invite nasty words from him anymore. In fact, I think it's better not to even have anything to do with him. Just do whatever I'm supposed to do so that I do not invite anything bad in the name of Christ. Another reason for bringing my printer back to my room is because putting it up on the table doesn't allow me to scan books.
I was hanging out with Gwyneth and Allvina today in town. I do thank God for my low self-confidence at times. It has helped me save a lot of money. We talked about a lot of things today and it's really nice to have some ladies' time with them. Since my Monday is the slackest of the week, I might as well enjoy the rest days God planned for me.
Yesterday I also talked a lot with Gwyneth while waiting for her car to be free from the parking congestion at Jun's church. I found out that my ex's ex is married. Interestingly, I feel so happy for her. She kind of encouraged me that I too can find my happiness. At least the fear of another courtship became lighter.
I'm thankful that I don't need to see my dad. I try to sleep as early as possible and leave my house as early as possible (after my brother has left for school) just to avoid him. I'm still thinking how to put whatever God has requested (the apology) across to him without extreme defense at my side. I don't know how I can put it across to him and portray that disgust I have for him whenever he hurled unkind words for no reason and can still find lame excuses to defend his pride. How I wish I can just video it down and show it to the whole world and ask for their opinions about this kind of dad I have. Yes, I can't describe that deep resentment I have for him, which is why I'm still trying my best to pen it down, hoping that with God's grace, he will change while we forgive him. otherwise I just pray for God's grace that I leave whatever behind and start a new life on my own, away from my dad for a while as I find the strength, and growth from God to forgive him. Prayerfully hope that he'll change for the better, and not the kind of man (that nobody likes) he is right now. Tired when I talk about him. I thank God for strength not to cry over him. It goes to show how 心寒 I am.
My life is bitter right now, but I'll be better with God.
No comments:
Post a Comment