A morning reflection

I slept really early (in my opinion) yesterday at 11pm. It was a rare sight as most of my nights are all about preparing assessments for my students to work on. I was so tired that I could not keep my eyes open. That was when I decided to rest early.

At about 0530hours, my 'alarm clock' woke me up. It was the water drip from the aircon. I got up and cleaned the aircon a little, and placed a cloth below so that it will not drench my stuff. Though the teddy bear that AX gave is a little wet from the 'waterfall'.

I guess it grieves me. I do wonder how friendships can turn out this way. I acknowledge that being a christian got me really emotional. I used to be storing all my emotions in hope to protect myself (and surprisingly I still do that sometimes), but now I let people know how I feel, with self-control of course.

Sometimes I do feel that the impression my friendship to others is superficial. I do worry about the boundaries if I gets too proactive and the consequences if I get too laid back. Frankly speaking, I don't know what kind of boundaries each person has. Right now, I am so, so tempted to retreat to my own solitude cave and hide there. I got really elated when someone messages me, and I kept thinking how they got the courage to do that or am I thinking too much. I do want to make them feel special like they did to me. It may be a simple gesture, but I am clueless about it because of my hiding from 'friends' for 13years. Sometimes I wonder, if friendship is so tough, I think courtship is harder.

Yup, this is how much I have thought about in an hour. There is a lot of decluttering to do in my life.