My calorie war

On top of the spiritual war that every christians should face, I also have calorie war. My aim is to eliminate any calorie in my body, and resists them from entering my body.

I guess it backfired a little.

I was so restrictive that on Saturday, given the opportunity, I dug my head in for more than I need, and hit above 2000 calories mark. My limit was a mere 1701 calories. I think I went too overboard that it touched 2300calories.

My eating habits was a little boring..So after reading a bit, I realise that I should have to following:
-include oatmeal instead of wholemeal bread only
-I should add soya milk, milk or juices for breakfast
-have different fruits for each day's needs (dried ones don't count)
-if I have injured knees, I should take the opportunity to work on my upper body and tummy workout (found  a great website for this:
KeepItMovingFitness-upper body workout
KeepItMovingFitness-tummy workout

Anyway, I did some shopping just now at two NTUC. I bought a week's supply of food: fruits, vegetables, white meat (chicken and fish), mushrooms, oatmeal and soyamilk. I even bought snacks that have restricted calories so that I keep my brain satisfied and not go to i-am-deprived mode which will totally sabotage my plans. Mum said that I should not have done that for my friend, but I secretly think that at least I have some external forces to motivate me hence I should be encouraged.

My aim is to have only 1500calories each day instead of 1700, and I will have packed meals with me on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday for dinner. I even bought tupperware from daiso to keep my food.

Hopefully tomorrow I can wake up early early for cycling after breakfast and print those exam papers. :)perhaps I can deliver them to my aunty tomorrow.

Calorie counting starts now!

I have been counting the calories and planning what I eat, making every opportunity to exercise with my somewhat swollen knees. Thank God for knee guards as it helps me not to feel burdened with the swell and pain.

My left knee is healing great, but my right knee and left hip needs more time as the bruises is still red. Overall is good, I can walk and run without much pain. :)

Anyway, as I have decided to work more on controlling my diet, I bought a new grill pan from Ikea. Main idea is to grill the fish and chicken and vegetables, especially asparagus. Yesterday I made grilled chicken and shitake mushroom with broiled broccoli. It was such a nice meal before my second student. However, I need to get a new container to hold the food as mine leaked the broccoli water out. Now my bag still smells of it..

Today is a great day as I only have two students! I feel like using my pan to grill salmon but it is the end of the month so I would prefer not to overspend.

I thought I almost lost it.

Yesterday was not a feel-good day. I can feel the extra fluid squishing and squashing under my skin hence I had decided to buy some knee guards to hold the bruises.

I went to the Guardian pharmacy and purchased those. As I was holding my tab, I placed it on the counter and paid for my purchase. Funny thing is, I left without the tab.

From home I made my dinner (was asked to diet by the bride because too fat), and rested. tab never occurred to me until the time I needed to charge it. Unfortunately, the time was 11pm and they have closed.

That is when I went into prayer mode because there is nothing much I can do about it. I pray for the tab and even asked for wisdom should the tab no longer with them. I have even devised a plan to get the police involve to find the whoever who takes my tab and many more. However, it is all the back-up plan. There is somewhere inside me that knows I will not lose it. Although I trust that God will protect it (I even tell God that all glory will be for him when I get it back), in my fallen nature I would still like to plan so that if God's plan is not the way I thought it to be, at least I know what to do.

Just now, at about 10am, I limped into the shop and asked if they have seen the tab. The cashier seem to know what I was talking about and asked me the colour of the tab. I replied her and she checked with her manager if she could return that to me. After leaving behind my information and thanking God so loudly in the shop, I happily went home.

Thank God! I was so tempted to go back to my fallen nature and talk about bad luck (fell from bike and now this...). Thank God I was not like that. It is a great reminder to tell myself that I have to rely on God, no matter how self sufficient I am. All glory back to Him, as promised! He is such a wonderful God!

My new Tern bike..

I have my bike for about a month already. It taught me a lot. Although the accessories and everything that comes with it are just too expensive, I thank God for sustaining me thus far.

The bike is great! Other than the new bike syndrome that every bike will experience and some adjustment issue, I am actually very happy with it. I have cycled it home from Buangkok, cycled via the Eunos road to Marine Parade and back home, and today I conquered the park connector linking East Coast Park to Bedok Reservoir Park! Ain't that great?

I love the scenery there. For a moment I thought I was elsewhere (like Thailand :D). I promise that next Friday I will be able to take some shots and post it here. The bad part was the loose seat that was taken care of with a small alan key.

Anyway, the worse came on Saturday when I was late for my next student and flew off from my bike. The culprit was the different levels of pavement at the side of the road (I try not to ride on the main road for fear of crazy vehicle drivers as Singapore ain't that safe anymore..). My front wheel brushed against the upper level of the pavement causing me to lose control of my bike and eventually flew off the bike. Although I thank God for a working bike with no serious injuries like fracture, the abrasions and bruises is enough to put me in agony for weeks and I was late for half an hour for my student.

After the incident, I sent my bike to the nearest bike repair shop to see if there is anything that need to be taken care of from the bike. This uncle was contradicting to what he said and refused to do anything because he did some simple stuff and concluded that there is nothing wrong with the bike. That problem was posted in tern forum for many times already lo! Now I know that place cannot be trusted for any fixing.

Anyway, all is well except that I cannot ride bike until I have fully recovered. Still, thank God for sustaining me thus far. It is a great wake-up call to be alert and not rush.

Hibernation time

Singapore has turned colder each day. It was an early rainy season and it is quite interesting to know that I do not sweat as much anymore. However, my body has turned weary because of the temperature that rain provides. I find myself sleeping at least ten hours each day, and sleeping very late at night too.

After a heart-to-heart conversation with Shirlyn, I found myself slipping back to my old life. Having said that, two of my students have not paid me for June's service and I am rather broke. However, I thank God for the reminder that being poor is a choice, and encourages me to make the right decision each day.

Either way, I pray that God will help me tide over this difficult period. I also hope that money lent will be returned to me soon too. That I will have to ask....

Been having mood swings lately too. At one point of time I will get so demotivated in teaching, and then the next moment I get very excited in teaching. I thank God for good progression on teaching, and I am able to start revision soon. I will pray for these kids as their exams are getting nearer. Either way, I pray that everything are done nicely for a good closure (maybe not) :P

Applied...

I applied for MOE PGDE (Post-Graduate Diploma in Education). Of course, as I did not do well in my English for O levels and I do not major in English or English Literature, I have to take the proficiency test. Intend to register it soon and take it on August. I may not be able to make it as it's only a day away from registration. Hence, I shall register for September test.

After submitting the application, self-doubt overcame me. It was so overwhelming that I found it hard to even breathe. Did I do something wrong? Am I up to it? What should I do?

Of course, I don't talk to anyone about it. That is a bad habit I guess. I seek help when I need one. In times like this, I keep it to myself and God. There was a time I asked God if He could just help me get rid of those crazy and untrue words. It certainly almost drove me crazy.

Anyway, Sunday's election went well...but I know there are too many things going on, especially in church. There is so many things going on and it has been for about 2 years. Seriously, it is discouraging. I think I sensed it from almost everyone in church.

Pray, pray pray. Nothing more to do about it. Both are beyond my control. Only God can have His divine intervention. Thank God for that.

why is it so tiresome?

I have been tired this whole week. Shirlyn told me she feels the same. Her life is happening with her crazy work and over-rational manager. I am having a huge schedule change due to events (that was cancelled at the last min) this week and postponement and cancellation of tuition.

And tomorrow is the election for church leaders  (:|)

More or less I know what to do, given such a small number of leaders being nominated. sigh. Having thought that serving God is such an honor work, and we should be careful when it comes to selection of leaders, it is quite discouraging to see such a small number of people being nominated for the session members. Sure, it is a heavy task and I am just wondering how to sustain with the heavy responsibilities on the shoulders.

And one of the nominees is the same age as me. At least he should encourage us a little. I heard two other YAs were asked too but they decline the offer.

Oh man, I am so tired. Tomorrow after service I am so going to sleep the whole noon.

Teaching - a rewarding or painful career?

I just met Sis Karina's colleague at West Coast Plaza. Shle is a contract teacher going into NIE next month. She has been a great, great help to me today. It caused me to think so much.

Questions like, "How to you handle these kids if they are defiant or problematic", "How not to get weighed down when you handle these kids", "What to do if these children needs help" and so much more. Frankly speaking, I believe she is just touching on the tip of the ice berg. There is so much more to feel, see and experience.

"Will I break down if I cannot cope?" kept running in my mind. Even though I am so, so convinced to join the teaching career, I do not even know why I keep finding answers to support my actions. Am I that confused?

But seriously, what else can I do?

I do not want to take this profession lightly. It concerns a lot of young lives and their future. It is almost the same as being a just judge or a doctor. Lives are at stake. Teacher has far more responsibilities. The things you do impact the rest of their lives, longer than the life sentence of other countries (20years), whether good or bad.

I do not know why I keep harping on teaching. Thoughts of joining an organization and lead a corporate life did cross my mind. I just do not know why they aren't as attractive as being a teacher.

So I am going to give myself half a year from Jan 2013, unless I need more (up to one and a half year). After all those hard facts, I still decided to be a teacher.

Anyway, after my newfound friend received a call from the school to be a relief teacher for a class, she took her last sip of latte and left. I was there for another half an hour, trying to digest what she had said. Looking back, there are many, many times I consider giving up tuition. Mainly because I could not pass my own critic. Of course, these two years have molded me to persevere, and pray, and seek new ways to help these children. Of course, these kids may not be as motivated as they are in tuition, but with God's grace I will do my best to help them be motivated.

I took off to SKS (finally after a year of saying I wanted to go). I was wow-ed by the organised collections of books. I bought 4 books:

"Lies Women Believe": this book was brought to light when Carmen posted something from a blog relating to this book. I have another version: "Lies Young Women Believe". I decided to buy the older version because that book is for teens;

"Teaching to Change Lives"(as recommended by Rachel) to discover the seven laws of teaching with some study at the back of the book. Hopefully it will help me in understanding and applying teaching better. I may buy another book that I saw. It seems like a follow-up of this boom hence I bought this small book first before buying that thick expensive book;

"Discover The Bible For Yourself" (by Kay Arthur), first heard of it in precept classes. I have decided not to go for classes because I am like doing the short-cut way by waiting for people to give me an answer to those questions. Decided to do inductive study through this book on my OTOT (own time own target) for next year's devotion after my life-application devotion ends;

and finally the "Growing in Christ" , the disciple book I have been eyeing for about a year. Actually I'm not quite sure whether to do on my own first or wait for Sis Charissa before doing it.

Anyway, a lovely morning despite late rest. I had a great time on my own. :)

Other plans in life

I have been consciously looking at Orthodontics clinics and researching for the best for my upcoming plans for braces. Also, I am finding ways to get corneal transplant + LASIK package for my both eyes. I was so glad to see this article when I was looking around. Now I need to find out about my medisave and how much I can use to cover these expenses. 


My plan is to get braces by the end of this year, eye treatment by next year, and full-time contract teaching at the start of next year. I have also informed my students about my plans (most likely I will not be working for the month of December so that my students have time to find another tutor, or I can continue giving tuition until they have found a new tutor. Either way it will be after their exams.) hence I need to save, save and save from now. Planning to settle whatever I've not settle and enjoy that month of nothingness before embracing education.


I have a lot going on, and I plan to get it settled before the big 3. 


Today I went to see my niece, Vera. She is sooooooo cute!! Her big eyes and her cheekiness tells me she will be a very bright girl. lol. It's always hard to resist little babies like her. ^^

She observing..."What is yiyi doing?"

She was trying to reach out to me ^^

She smiled at me!

Vera exploring her little world. :)

Sweet little girl. :)

A morning reflection

I slept really early (in my opinion) yesterday at 11pm. It was a rare sight as most of my nights are all about preparing assessments for my students to work on. I was so tired that I could not keep my eyes open. That was when I decided to rest early.

At about 0530hours, my 'alarm clock' woke me up. It was the water drip from the aircon. I got up and cleaned the aircon a little, and placed a cloth below so that it will not drench my stuff. Though the teddy bear that AX gave is a little wet from the 'waterfall'.

I guess it grieves me. I do wonder how friendships can turn out this way. I acknowledge that being a christian got me really emotional. I used to be storing all my emotions in hope to protect myself (and surprisingly I still do that sometimes), but now I let people know how I feel, with self-control of course.

Sometimes I do feel that the impression my friendship to others is superficial. I do worry about the boundaries if I gets too proactive and the consequences if I get too laid back. Frankly speaking, I don't know what kind of boundaries each person has. Right now, I am so, so tempted to retreat to my own solitude cave and hide there. I got really elated when someone messages me, and I kept thinking how they got the courage to do that or am I thinking too much. I do want to make them feel special like they did to me. It may be a simple gesture, but I am clueless about it because of my hiding from 'friends' for 13years. Sometimes I wonder, if friendship is so tough, I think courtship is harder.

Yup, this is how much I have thought about in an hour. There is a lot of decluttering to do in my life.

I am thrilled

Thank God for Sister Karina who sent me about five emails about teaching. I am sure to archive it into my hotmail for future reference. It got me thinking a lot and reminding myself that I was once hose rebellious students who gave teachers problems everyday.

I have to say, it kind of reignite my passion for teaching, my compassion towards teachers and students and how much more I have to learn and it motivates me to learn (instead of discouraging me). I know the ugly part of teaching because I was part of it.

Anyway, it was a great insight on the school life. Sister Karina helped introduce me to one of the contract teachers in her school to talk to me about the contractual procedures and what to expect during that one year.

I guess it is very "me" to be sure of things. After all, it is God's sovereign plan that would help me. I was reminded subconsciously about how much it will change me spiritually, mentally and emotionally, and how much my learning curve will be.

I do have factors to consider. I want to know if my resolve is half-hearted (I do not want to jeopardise the students, the school and my path few years down the road). I want to know that even if the road gets tough, I am still motivated to do my best.

It is like, in the beginning, no one will think that they will fail. It is after many things that people come to understand that they may fail. For me, I want to know that I may fail as a teacher. With that knowledge on hand, I take steps to realise whether it is more to the negative or positive side, all with the grace of God.

Isaiah 26:4

Trust ye in the LORD for ever:  for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength.

For now, all I can do is trust in the Lord for strength to be a teacher, and see if this is His plan for me.

I cannot sum up what kind of day it is

It was a wonderful morning. Despite getting up super late, I managed to get ready in 15minutes time and had a wonderful, smooth ride to church. I thank God for his journey mercies.

I was alert even though I did not have enough rest. I was surprised during service and felt that there is a new surge of energy going through me but I could not explain that as well. After service, I saw Allvina in church library and we chatted a little about my studies. She asked what I would like to do after graduation and I told her about my uncertainties about my next step in life. Just when we were talking about Sis Karina, a long-service teacher, she entered the room looking for children's books for her colleagues.

Allvina took the opportunity to help me open up to her about my fear and desire to be a teacher. Of course, she told me the good and bad about teaching. The more we chatted, the more I was reminded why I want to teach....

Having come from SAC was not the path I wanted. In fact, I disliked the school. People were different from my neighbourhood primary school and the all-girls environment was just too much for me to take. Research shows that people without dads around are more likely to be a criminal than those who have dads around them. For me, I was literally going to the dark side of life without my dad in my crucial life-determining process (teenage years) to determine what kind of person I will be in future.

During my reluctant stay in SACSS, I had met teachers. Yes, not one but many teachers determined to change my life. They came at different points of my secondary life pulling me back from the cliff of self-destruction. Although I did not do well for my exam, my character was molded to be someone better than before. I can still remember the counsel sessions we had together, the initiative to talk to me privately when I gave them trouble in class and shared their life on a personal level. Some weren't catholic, but they have the christian belief to make a difference.

Although the ugliness of teaching was showed to me, I got more excited for unknown reason. I felt the pain from an ungodly home and I would like to let them (students) know that and understand that the priorities they make will affect their future. I was reminded why I want to be teacher and why I want it to glorify God.

Then I stayed in the library with some of us and discussed about the wedding stuff. With an intention to help the ladies talk-and-make-up-through-lunch, we asked AX to join us for lunch even though she'll just be having drinks there. Later, commotion broke off in church after our lunch. It involves my friends and one of them had her father started the whole brawling. It was an ugly sight...

Remember this post? Oh well, we arranged for AX and the couple to sit down and talk things out. We encouraged her and warned her of the complications she may face if she decides to put it aside again. Unfortunately, AX did not want/not knowing how to bring it up and talk about it. It lasted until the moment she wanted to say...until her dad called.

Probably her priority is towards her family and she left. We had decided to give up on reconciling their friendship and Shirlyn has decided not to do anything about it. Moments later, her dad was at church looking like an erupted volcano. The whole family actually waited for the David to be there. Before any conversation started, sounds of banging of table were first heard. Clearly, there was no self-control for her daddy because he thought his only-daughter was bullied.

What triggered my anger was she said we forced her to talk about it. I am deeply saddened by it and am still dwelling on it. There was an impulse to confront her and ask in what area did I force her. Did I pull her hair, called her coward for not doing that or forbid her from doing anything before she settles it? As I keep giving her the benefit of doubt that she doesn't even know the consequences of the words she had said, I feel like giving up on her because of my uncontrollable intention in protecting myself. I was advised to keep a distance from her because it deeply saddens me and it is affecting the way I may treat her (in order to protect her).

Eventually, David apologized for making a not-so-sensitive comment to AX. In my understanding, her dad got it wrong. "may God judge you!" from the comment that David made has 2 meanings (don't remember which verse David was saying. It was about being sanctified in our actions for God's judgement): judge when you do right OR wrong. When you do right, God will judge you and reward you. When you do wrong, God will judge you and punish you. Although in context biblically it is correct (as it also says, "God will know who is the one doing the "right" and "wrong" thing), David apologized because as a full-time worker he should have bring it down to a better understanding level and not an easily misunderstood word and not because he did the wrong thing.

This whole thing made AX very embarrassed as many were at church. As warned, the complications happened immediately after she left. God really make everything fall into His plan. I rejoice at the outcome, as her daddy was able to throw away that pent-up bitterness for 3 months out with no reservations, and we have decided not to do anything about it and will keep our distance from her (but will still be friendly to her, just not close to protect both parties). I believe the one who got hurt most was AX.

What I've learnt is that no matter how much you try to conceal and try to settle it as a small matter, if both parties do not work together, it will just escalate into a big and powerful snowball and may end up hurting people around the two parties too. The end-result is too massive and devastating if huge snowball is formed. If one party only do lip-service, do not take him/her seriously and move on until actions are done. Oh, and mediator is not an easy job. Either way, God will intervene, especially when you are least expected (we thought the complications we mentioned will happen few months down the road, not immediately after that lunch!). Nonetheless, it was an eye-opener on how things should be resolved. Thank God for a precious lesson.