Thank God for such a wonderful workshop. We already had two workshops and they were ok. We also noticed the problem in church: leaders and staffs are not sure about God and it leads to those children who're unsure of it as well.
There's also a change of plans: initially I'm supposed to share my testimony on Monday only; it turns out that I have to do both Saturday and Monday. Stressed? Of course! Somehow or rather I received God's prompting me to share because it's kind of relevant to their lives. Secondly those are two different groups: Saturday is youth worship while Monday was a mini concert held in Jack's village and this means there're elders, pastors, etc.
Today P'Apple also shared her testimony. I kept crying when she was sharing and couldn't stop crying. I did not expect myself to reveal my vulnerable heart; I know God has a purpose to that. He wanted to soften my heart so that when I share mine, it'll be impactful. I pray that it is because I'm worried for these young believers; I'm worried that they'll be like me, loving God at first without knowing why and how to live right with God.
I know it's silly, but I feel compelled to stay here for like half a year, discipling a girl. I just pray that it's not an emotional or by impulse, and I'm not even sure if it's God's calling. I just feel the need to help. I see myself in mission field for long but I'm not sure about it. I'm not even a mature Christian! I just pray that God will continue to use me to help these people.
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
Mae Sariang Mission Trip Day 2
I'm grateful to God for working on each of our lives and for journey mercies on our trip to the hostel. We rested in the bus but we were still exhausted from the trip. I was reminded to give tracts to the people around us but I did not because I was looking for the right time. The feeling was strong but even after the trip, I did not give out a single tract. I've learnt an important lesson: God doesn't want me to find the perfect time; He wanted me to just give and share gospel without planning much. I do know I need more work on that.
Yesterday was Sis Pat's birthday. We sang birthday song for her over the dining table while we were having breakfast. We are grateful to her. I also noticed that she did not utter a single complaint about Bro Nat not spending time on her birthday. I wonder if I'll be as gracious as her when I'm married.
Anyway, we saw Jack at the Mae Sariang Bus Terminal. Everything was loaded to church. Thank God for the meeting after we'd settled down because we finally gotten the details of the workshop and made plans.
After some rest we got to the Compassion in Jesus's Name hostel and saw the children. Before we entered the hall, we heard loud singing and worshipping God. Most songs were all in Thai so I couldn't understand a single word; it's ok, because the recipient is God and He understands it.
We were introduced to the children after their song presentation to us. First time in mission so I was taken aback when they sang for us. Frankly speaking, we're here to help and encourage, not to receive such presentation because I do not feel worthy of it.
I pray for all the children here as they continue to walk with Christ. I pray that they are eager to love God and help them to walk closer to God as they receive the workshop. I pray for the team as we're scared that we do not work according to God's plans.
Yesterday was Sis Pat's birthday. We sang birthday song for her over the dining table while we were having breakfast. We are grateful to her. I also noticed that she did not utter a single complaint about Bro Nat not spending time on her birthday. I wonder if I'll be as gracious as her when I'm married.
Anyway, we saw Jack at the Mae Sariang Bus Terminal. Everything was loaded to church. Thank God for the meeting after we'd settled down because we finally gotten the details of the workshop and made plans.
After some rest we got to the Compassion in Jesus's Name hostel and saw the children. Before we entered the hall, we heard loud singing and worshipping God. Most songs were all in Thai so I couldn't understand a single word; it's ok, because the recipient is God and He understands it.
We were introduced to the children after their song presentation to us. First time in mission so I was taken aback when they sang for us. Frankly speaking, we're here to help and encourage, not to receive such presentation because I do not feel worthy of it.
I pray for all the children here as they continue to walk with Christ. I pray that they are eager to love God and help them to walk closer to God as they receive the workshop. I pray for the team as we're scared that we do not work according to God's plans.
Monday, 21 November 2011
Mae Sariang Mission Trip Day 1
I thank and praise God for such a wonderful opportunity to serve overseas. Knowing that missions will usually touch people's hearts - host or missionaries when both are encouraged through grace of God.
Yesterday I met a lot of people and am still trying to know their names by heart. Also, remembering greetings in Thai is another challenge that I'm struggling with. Thank God for the opportunity to learn. I am beginning to consider coming back to Thailand for another mission trip; it still has to be according to God's will.
Yesterday we went to the university hostel that Rachel and Jasmine will be living during their mission trip in December. I also got to see Lighthouse BP church that Bro Nat and other Thai Christians built it. Yesterday's dinner was superb - with shrimps and vegetables, white curry and meat, which all are well-prepared and delicious; I'm still thinking about the sumptuous meal we had yesterday. I also love mango sticky rice!
Right now we're on our way to Mae Hong Son to meet with P'Jack and to discuss about the itineraries for the next 5days.
I do pray for the workshops, disciples and the kids involved and the team to benefit from this mission, to glorify God and to do everything according to His will.
Yesterday I met a lot of people and am still trying to know their names by heart. Also, remembering greetings in Thai is another challenge that I'm struggling with. Thank God for the opportunity to learn. I am beginning to consider coming back to Thailand for another mission trip; it still has to be according to God's will.
Yesterday we went to the university hostel that Rachel and Jasmine will be living during their mission trip in December. I also got to see Lighthouse BP church that Bro Nat and other Thai Christians built it. Yesterday's dinner was superb - with shrimps and vegetables, white curry and meat, which all are well-prepared and delicious; I'm still thinking about the sumptuous meal we had yesterday. I also love mango sticky rice!
Right now we're on our way to Mae Hong Son to meet with P'Jack and to discuss about the itineraries for the next 5days.
I do pray for the workshops, disciples and the kids involved and the team to benefit from this mission, to glorify God and to do everything according to His will.
Sunday, 20 November 2011
What a bookfest!
Ok, I'm exhausted and still in the line for payment. Things I bought are mostly for ss camp. 300 pens to be exact. This has helped the church save some $30++ for the same number of pens. Although tricky to get the message in the pens, it is actually better because the writing is smooth and the message is hard to get it out once inside. This can prevent them from taking the message out also. However, the funniest thing is I forgotten about my pop card and couldn't get further discount. :(
Later I need to go replenish first aid kit stuff and final packing. Then have an early sleep. Need to wake up at 4am tomorrow. I'm too tired to do anything. Today's kneeling prayer made me feel that I've lost my legs because of numbness. Thank goodness it's still revivable, and everyone's feet were red. That was quite a comical sight.
I'm having mixed feelings about going for my mission trip. Don't know what to expect, don't know what to do. I pray for God's guidance in my mission trip. Definitely it'll change my life, but not sure how...
Later I need to go replenish first aid kit stuff and final packing. Then have an early sleep. Need to wake up at 4am tomorrow. I'm too tired to do anything. Today's kneeling prayer made me feel that I've lost my legs because of numbness. Thank goodness it's still revivable, and everyone's feet were red. That was quite a comical sight.
I'm having mixed feelings about going for my mission trip. Don't know what to expect, don't know what to do. I pray for God's guidance in my mission trip. Definitely it'll change my life, but not sure how...
Slack, nervous and scared
My day ended with peace yesterday. My new Thai student begins to listen in class. We have come onto a stage one of personal level and I'm thankful for that. I'm praying that she can acknowledge that I'm there to help her get better grades. I don't care how much better is better, just as long as there's improvement I'll be praising.
Of course, when they slip, I don't scold. I'll ask why. There's a transition period whereby these students will do extremely well this exam, and the next they'll slip. Then when they try harder and either they'll slip or improve; that's all entirely on her confidence and determination to do better.
My year end "performance" isn't that good. Four students slipped, one got "upgraded" to a better class, one improved but still below average, and three more without exam results yet (1 AEIS and 2 PSLE). By then, I'll not be in sg. I'll just have to be prayerful about it.
I also have no idea when my results will be out. I'm scared neh! I just want to graduate since it's last compulsory module. There's so many things to pray about.
About the mission trip, the fear starts to creep in too. It seems like I have many to fear for: able to be a good disciplier for three nights; the terrain and unexpected situation that may occur; the ability to take Thai food (they love sour things); the staying of 10days (longest trip so far); first time travelling with friends and many more.
Thankfully everything is pacing with God's assurance in mission and ss camp. Although we're worrying about the workshop and stuff, I thank God that everything looks ok and assuring. I don't know what else I need to do. Either way, I leave it to God in prayer.
Of course, when they slip, I don't scold. I'll ask why. There's a transition period whereby these students will do extremely well this exam, and the next they'll slip. Then when they try harder and either they'll slip or improve; that's all entirely on her confidence and determination to do better.
My year end "performance" isn't that good. Four students slipped, one got "upgraded" to a better class, one improved but still below average, and three more without exam results yet (1 AEIS and 2 PSLE). By then, I'll not be in sg. I'll just have to be prayerful about it.
I also have no idea when my results will be out. I'm scared neh! I just want to graduate since it's last compulsory module. There's so many things to pray about.
About the mission trip, the fear starts to creep in too. It seems like I have many to fear for: able to be a good disciplier for three nights; the terrain and unexpected situation that may occur; the ability to take Thai food (they love sour things); the staying of 10days (longest trip so far); first time travelling with friends and many more.
Thankfully everything is pacing with God's assurance in mission and ss camp. Although we're worrying about the workshop and stuff, I thank God that everything looks ok and assuring. I don't know what else I need to do. Either way, I leave it to God in prayer.
Friday, 18 November 2011
I may want to explore....
While waiting for my result, I have many things running in my mind: the financially-unwell month that is happening; the celebration of Christ's commercialised birthday (because His birthday is not on Dec); the upcoming of a new year; where God would lead me in life next year and many more.
I can still remember the Bak Kut Teh @ Balestier with my family when we were discussing my cousin's wedding. Of course, I made a disturbing comment about receiving another cousin's ang bao. You have no idea how "black" their faces were. My family believes that getting married is to avoid being nagged because it is quite impolite to receive ang bao from a younger generation or something. I'm already receiving one ang bao from a younger cousin; and another one is tying her knot this coming January.
Well, I can avoid by 'running' away so that I do not need to face those gossips or whatsoever. I can go find some Tom, Dick or Harry to pose as a potential bf but it'll not do anyone good, especially when it comes to spiritual terms. I can be present and refuse the ang bao because that's not my main motive for coming on CNY. I'd rather choose the last choice because I still believe in Chinese tradition - that celebrating CNY is to fellowship with relatives whom you have not seen for a year. Mainly to update what I'm doing and even though they may say unpleasant things, I am supposed to show grace and shine for God. That'll train me as a growing Christian as well.
Anyway, enough of this singleness thing. One of my students' mum asked if I'm keen to teach sec 1. I've talked to God about it and have received encouragement from my mentors. I'm keen to teach lower secondary students and would like to explore syllabus as well. Just like how I picked up primary teaching, I'm willing to learn.
Speaking of which, I should prepare for my MOE entry soon. To me, future always seems so bright with Christ. Having faith that we will receive grace from God and hope for the future tells us that we really need to rely on Him. It's always exciting to anticipate what God has in plan for me, be it good and bad (bad can't be that bad, I noticed).
I'm so excited about my mission trip! Counting down to 3 days!!! :DD right, what a sudden change in emotions. I shall go prepare myself for the matrimony tomorrow.
I can still remember the Bak Kut Teh @ Balestier with my family when we were discussing my cousin's wedding. Of course, I made a disturbing comment about receiving another cousin's ang bao. You have no idea how "black" their faces were. My family believes that getting married is to avoid being nagged because it is quite impolite to receive ang bao from a younger generation or something. I'm already receiving one ang bao from a younger cousin; and another one is tying her knot this coming January.
Well, I can avoid by 'running' away so that I do not need to face those gossips or whatsoever. I can go find some Tom, Dick or Harry to pose as a potential bf but it'll not do anyone good, especially when it comes to spiritual terms. I can be present and refuse the ang bao because that's not my main motive for coming on CNY. I'd rather choose the last choice because I still believe in Chinese tradition - that celebrating CNY is to fellowship with relatives whom you have not seen for a year. Mainly to update what I'm doing and even though they may say unpleasant things, I am supposed to show grace and shine for God. That'll train me as a growing Christian as well.
Anyway, enough of this singleness thing. One of my students' mum asked if I'm keen to teach sec 1. I've talked to God about it and have received encouragement from my mentors. I'm keen to teach lower secondary students and would like to explore syllabus as well. Just like how I picked up primary teaching, I'm willing to learn.
Speaking of which, I should prepare for my MOE entry soon. To me, future always seems so bright with Christ. Having faith that we will receive grace from God and hope for the future tells us that we really need to rely on Him. It's always exciting to anticipate what God has in plan for me, be it good and bad (bad can't be that bad, I noticed).
I'm so excited about my mission trip! Counting down to 3 days!!! :DD right, what a sudden change in emotions. I shall go prepare myself for the matrimony tomorrow.
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Burning!!!
Lol, the title reminds me of an anime called "Prince of Tennis". Whenever this player plays his ultimate shot, he'll shout, "BURNING!" Well, my burning is not exactly driven by passion; it's more like driven by anxieties.
I'll be going for my first mission trip. First time travelling with friends to anywhere further than Malaysia is my first. Besides that, it's about discipleship which I've not gone through. I thank God for the opportunity to go because it'll be my first taste of discipleship in a draft before I commence mine next year.
I know its great result. Seriously, I cannot imagine not to have discipleship because I want to be a fruitful christian mentioned by Jesus in the parable of the sower: "But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown." (Matthew 13:23 NIV)
I just can't wait for it to come, even though it means getting up real earlier than 6am, and flying off at 8.15am. Pray for good weather and smooth flight and mission trip. Ultimately, I know I'll be encouraged (instead of encouraging people) during this mission trip. :)
I'll be going for my first mission trip. First time travelling with friends to anywhere further than Malaysia is my first. Besides that, it's about discipleship which I've not gone through. I thank God for the opportunity to go because it'll be my first taste of discipleship in a draft before I commence mine next year.
I know its great result. Seriously, I cannot imagine not to have discipleship because I want to be a fruitful christian mentioned by Jesus in the parable of the sower: "But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown." (Matthew 13:23 NIV)
I just can't wait for it to come, even though it means getting up real earlier than 6am, and flying off at 8.15am. Pray for good weather and smooth flight and mission trip. Ultimately, I know I'll be encouraged (instead of encouraging people) during this mission trip. :)
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
Psalm 119: 174-176
I long for your salvation, Lord,
and your law gives me delight. Let me live that I may praise you,
and may your laws sustain me. I have strayed like a lost sheep.
Seek your servant,
for I have not forgotten your commands. (Psalm 119:174-176 NIV)
I gotten this verse from the book I borrowed from a sister who'll be going to Mae Sariang with me. This psalm is usually used to teach disciples to meditate the word of God on their own, using their own convictions.
I'm not that kind of really patient person so after reading it for sometime just to find the scroll still on top of my iPhone Bible, I realized that it's a really long psalm. Curious, I scroll all the way down just to find 176 verses. No wonder it's been chosen to be one of the psalm to be meditated on.
I was warned that a Christian's life is full of ups and downs. It'll never be a straight, boring life; it'll be a life full of trials and oppositions, temptations and convictions. After being a half-a-year baptized Christian, my life hasn't been all so smooth and nice. However, as I see the phases that I went through, the anxiety that I've experienced, the lifeline resembles a heart that is alive - having its line going up and down like a beating heart. I can still remember one of the elders said in catechism class, "having ups and downs in your walk with Christ shows that you're alive. It'll never be smooth-sailing because devil will grab any opportunity; having failed one time you would want to climb back up because you'll learn something from your mistakes." (not word-for-word quote)
Having to sin almost everyday, it does bring me to a level of humility. We just need a constant reminder from God that we are a sinner and we don't become some person who is like Mother Theresa overnight. Frankly speaking, I hate to sin; I cannot understand why I hate it and yet still do it. However, these verses helped me to understand better:
- "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Matthew 26:41, Mark 14:38 NIV)
- For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. (Romans 7:18 NIV)
- My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26 NIV)
Which is why the verse in psalm 113 is important to me. In my flesh and sinful nature I know I'll fail, but with God's grace and mercy He'll set the path right for me, as I continue to seek His omnipotent nature to protect, love and comfort me.
and your law gives me delight. Let me live that I may praise you,
and may your laws sustain me. I have strayed like a lost sheep.
Seek your servant,
for I have not forgotten your commands. (Psalm 119:174-176 NIV)
I gotten this verse from the book I borrowed from a sister who'll be going to Mae Sariang with me. This psalm is usually used to teach disciples to meditate the word of God on their own, using their own convictions.
I'm not that kind of really patient person so after reading it for sometime just to find the scroll still on top of my iPhone Bible, I realized that it's a really long psalm. Curious, I scroll all the way down just to find 176 verses. No wonder it's been chosen to be one of the psalm to be meditated on.
I was warned that a Christian's life is full of ups and downs. It'll never be a straight, boring life; it'll be a life full of trials and oppositions, temptations and convictions. After being a half-a-year baptized Christian, my life hasn't been all so smooth and nice. However, as I see the phases that I went through, the anxiety that I've experienced, the lifeline resembles a heart that is alive - having its line going up and down like a beating heart. I can still remember one of the elders said in catechism class, "having ups and downs in your walk with Christ shows that you're alive. It'll never be smooth-sailing because devil will grab any opportunity; having failed one time you would want to climb back up because you'll learn something from your mistakes." (not word-for-word quote)
Having to sin almost everyday, it does bring me to a level of humility. We just need a constant reminder from God that we are a sinner and we don't become some person who is like Mother Theresa overnight. Frankly speaking, I hate to sin; I cannot understand why I hate it and yet still do it. However, these verses helped me to understand better:
- "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Matthew 26:41, Mark 14:38 NIV)
- For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. (Romans 7:18 NIV)
- My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26 NIV)
Which is why the verse in psalm 113 is important to me. In my flesh and sinful nature I know I'll fail, but with God's grace and mercy He'll set the path right for me, as I continue to seek His omnipotent nature to protect, love and comfort me.
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
SS Camp Preparation
Today, two students. Come to think of it, I'm like back to two or one student per day. Interestingly, I'm kind of enjoying it.
Just now went to go survey the things needed for SS Camp's spirit of giving. Now I'm going home to check if a zip lock bag can contain a cup of rice. This is for sis Charissa to upload it into SS Camp for future activity planner of subsequent year. Found out that SKP sells really cheap ziplock and party bags. If you think daiso is cheap, think again.
I've not check the biscuits and rice price, construction papers, etc. I'm thinking of sultan biscuits that are good for digestion. Also, I'm wondering the brand of the rice will affect because I'm planning to get the cheapest (we are the non-profit organization unless someone donates two sacks of rice). The whole price details I'll get it done before I fly to Mae Sariang.
Hopefully everything clears before I fly. No students = church stuff. I guess I'm happier this way. Lol.
Just now went to go survey the things needed for SS Camp's spirit of giving. Now I'm going home to check if a zip lock bag can contain a cup of rice. This is for sis Charissa to upload it into SS Camp for future activity planner of subsequent year. Found out that SKP sells really cheap ziplock and party bags. If you think daiso is cheap, think again.
I've not check the biscuits and rice price, construction papers, etc. I'm thinking of sultan biscuits that are good for digestion. Also, I'm wondering the brand of the rice will affect because I'm planning to get the cheapest (we are the non-profit organization unless someone donates two sacks of rice). The whole price details I'll get it done before I fly to Mae Sariang.
Hopefully everything clears before I fly. No students = church stuff. I guess I'm happier this way. Lol.
Monday, 14 November 2011
God's grace = God's love = exhibition of love
I thank God for His divine intervention. I believe He knows I'm struggling and is still trying to get rid of bitterness in my heart.
Knowing that bitterness is striving in my life, He sent a brother in Christ to write an entry with so many scriptures that touched my heart so much with God's overflowing love and mercy. It's like having God telling me, "I'm here, my child; always here to comfort you, waiting for you to muster that courage to cry out to me and tell me things that you are struggling to carry on your own."
It brought me to tears when I gave a point when this brother in Christ sent me the link, trying to edit it so that there's no loopholes for the netizens to attack. As he shared the root for the entry, I suggested something call hurt: the contradiction between wanting to forgive but struggling to forgive because of hurt and the wholeheartedness of forgiveness.
He managed to complete it and posted it in facebook by the time I was awake. After reading it again and spotting the differences from the first article, I found the new part and eventually cried. God has always been there to comfort! I shunned away because I thought that I could just let time heal. I did not know that such bitterness hinders my relationship with God and other people (I've been trying to run away from fellowship, even my family. In the midst of these, I tried to out a strong front indicating that nothing truly has happened. I even did briefed QT; unable to comprehend or practice lovingkindness. Slowly, prayer becomes a routine and you find it hard to even pray for someone because you cannot even pray for yourself. It feels like everything internally has crumbled, leaving an external shell with nothing inside. The corrupted spiritual being is left with nothing except the choice of rebuilding it again.
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV)
Thank God for His escape route for me.
Knowing that bitterness is striving in my life, He sent a brother in Christ to write an entry with so many scriptures that touched my heart so much with God's overflowing love and mercy. It's like having God telling me, "I'm here, my child; always here to comfort you, waiting for you to muster that courage to cry out to me and tell me things that you are struggling to carry on your own."
It brought me to tears when I gave a point when this brother in Christ sent me the link, trying to edit it so that there's no loopholes for the netizens to attack. As he shared the root for the entry, I suggested something call hurt: the contradiction between wanting to forgive but struggling to forgive because of hurt and the wholeheartedness of forgiveness.
He managed to complete it and posted it in facebook by the time I was awake. After reading it again and spotting the differences from the first article, I found the new part and eventually cried. God has always been there to comfort! I shunned away because I thought that I could just let time heal. I did not know that such bitterness hinders my relationship with God and other people (I've been trying to run away from fellowship, even my family. In the midst of these, I tried to out a strong front indicating that nothing truly has happened. I even did briefed QT; unable to comprehend or practice lovingkindness. Slowly, prayer becomes a routine and you find it hard to even pray for someone because you cannot even pray for yourself. It feels like everything internally has crumbled, leaving an external shell with nothing inside. The corrupted spiritual being is left with nothing except the choice of rebuilding it again.
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV)
Thank God for His escape route for me.
Sunday, 13 November 2011
My financial faith is tested
Ok, today I truly truly wanted to keep the offering money to myself and think that next week I'll give back of what I've promised to give. Something held me back. The true reason of why I gave my regular offering is beyond my understanding. Partly is because I did not want to think that due to my circumstances hence I choose not to give my offering. Something inside me just dropped this question, "do you have so little faith that God will not be able to provide?" scarily, all my replies to all the money problems are all based upon this verse: "Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you." (Psalm 84:12 NIV)
Firstly, I am not able to get my first aid course money because the brother who manages financial information went off early. Secondly, the wedding for this Saturday I've not RSVP myself. Anyway, I've mentioned that I'm going regardless of whether I'll be receiving that amount of money that the brother in Christ promised. Thirdly, there was a promptness of SMS to return the sister's birthday present. Thank God for His mercy, I am able to transfer the money directly to the suggestor on the weekdays.
In addition to that, I'll be receiving my salary coming week and it'll be sitting in my account until I get back. Thank God my EZ-link card still has a good amount of money even though it's already halfway through the month. I just pray that my Christmas pressies are not expensive.
Firstly, I am not able to get my first aid course money because the brother who manages financial information went off early. Secondly, the wedding for this Saturday I've not RSVP myself. Anyway, I've mentioned that I'm going regardless of whether I'll be receiving that amount of money that the brother in Christ promised. Thirdly, there was a promptness of SMS to return the sister's birthday present. Thank God for His mercy, I am able to transfer the money directly to the suggestor on the weekdays.
In addition to that, I'll be receiving my salary coming week and it'll be sitting in my account until I get back. Thank God my EZ-link card still has a good amount of money even though it's already halfway through the month. I just pray that my Christmas pressies are not expensive.
Early Sunday
After the first aid course, I went home and did something crazy - singing. I even went to find those instrumental versions so that I can sing with it. Although not as good as professional singer, I must admit I'm quite pleased with myself. I sang "Walk on Water" by Britt Nicole and "Blessings" by Laura Story.
After singing for two hours, I've already used up the energy I obtained from honey stars which I took at about 5pm. Bro came back from 二姑's place with daddy; he left soon for work while I on the tv for his favourite NickJr channel. I was so exhausted I dozed off straight after that.
My bro slept beside me when I woke up about one or two hours later to check on him. I off the tv and the lights, put bolster beside the bed so he won't fall off the bed, and continued sleeping. When mummy was back, she asked a series of question like "did he take his milk before he sleep?" and "Did he pee before he sleep?" I said no to both and explained that I slept soon after he's here. Then I prompted him about the two questions and mummy just smiled at his response. Indeed, kids are cute at times.
Thankfully I had a really good rest. Although my alarm started to bug me at 5.30am, I managed to wake up at 6am. No idea how I can bathe for 45minutes, but I quite like the laid-back preparation to go church. Now I'm going to practice it so that it becomes a habit.
I'm left with about $10++ till Tuesday. Hopefully I can get my first aid course reimbursed by today. If so, I may just have enough money to buy assessment books for my student whom I'm going to teach later.
After singing for two hours, I've already used up the energy I obtained from honey stars which I took at about 5pm. Bro came back from 二姑's place with daddy; he left soon for work while I on the tv for his favourite NickJr channel. I was so exhausted I dozed off straight after that.
My bro slept beside me when I woke up about one or two hours later to check on him. I off the tv and the lights, put bolster beside the bed so he won't fall off the bed, and continued sleeping. When mummy was back, she asked a series of question like "did he take his milk before he sleep?" and "Did he pee before he sleep?" I said no to both and explained that I slept soon after he's here. Then I prompted him about the two questions and mummy just smiled at his response. Indeed, kids are cute at times.
Thankfully I had a really good rest. Although my alarm started to bug me at 5.30am, I managed to wake up at 6am. No idea how I can bathe for 45minutes, but I quite like the laid-back preparation to go church. Now I'm going to practice it so that it becomes a habit.
I'm left with about $10++ till Tuesday. Hopefully I can get my first aid course reimbursed by today. If so, I may just have enough money to buy assessment books for my student whom I'm going to teach later.
Saturday, 12 November 2011
Gotten my first aid certificate
It's such a long and tiring day. I was late for about five minutes for my first aid class, and we literally sat through the whole course - from 9am to 4.30am. By the time it was one in the noon, I'm already exhausted and not knowing what I've memorized or said.
The CPR was killing me. Lol. After ten years, the association changed the compression from 15 to 30, and the dummy wasn't even as good as St John's. Good thing is, there's only two student, a guy from SMU and me.
The supposedly till 6pm course ended before 5pm, and I'm thankful that only 4wrongs for theory test and two or three clichés on dressing and bandaging. They even cover stings and bites and it's quite fulfilling because some of the things I did not learn from SJAB. Oh, and asking people to call for ambulance is a little different too. Thankfully I passed and my cert is in my wallet.
I guess if I'm given more time I'll go for SJAB one. I prefer the dummy there because they can detect of you blow too much air into the lungs or compressed too hard. Right now, I just have to settle for a day through course wait for three years for refresher course; from SJAB of course. :)
Ok, I guess tomorrow will be long meeting for ss camp and mission trip. I need to get the spirit of giving documents there otherwise tomorrow meeting I'm more or less dead.
The CPR was killing me. Lol. After ten years, the association changed the compression from 15 to 30, and the dummy wasn't even as good as St John's. Good thing is, there's only two student, a guy from SMU and me.
The supposedly till 6pm course ended before 5pm, and I'm thankful that only 4wrongs for theory test and two or three clichés on dressing and bandaging. They even cover stings and bites and it's quite fulfilling because some of the things I did not learn from SJAB. Oh, and asking people to call for ambulance is a little different too. Thankfully I passed and my cert is in my wallet.
I guess if I'm given more time I'll go for SJAB one. I prefer the dummy there because they can detect of you blow too much air into the lungs or compressed too hard. Right now, I just have to settle for a day through course wait for three years for refresher course; from SJAB of course. :)
Ok, I guess tomorrow will be long meeting for ss camp and mission trip. I need to get the spirit of giving documents there otherwise tomorrow meeting I'm more or less dead.
Finally settled the first aid course!!!
Ok, after sending my particulars yesterday or day before, I'm officially in the class! From 9am to 6pm will be my intensive training on first aid. Having not working on it for ten over years should be fun. I'm now reminiscing on my SJAB days.
Thank God there's no drilling.
This is from the company providing the course, "Thanks for your sms
The 22 hrs SFA course is inclusive test for a class of 20 paxs.
Our class size is 6 paxs
We do not compromise the contents and ensure that no waiting time during practical sessions
Minimum 2 trainers to guide you during training
We are committed to the quality of our standard thus our tests cover all aspects viz
30 MCQs that covers all 13 topics and practical tests cover conscious choking to unconcious choking, cpr, head-to-toe examination, recovery position, dressing of wounds and immobilisation of fractures. You need to be competent in order to pass the practical test.
Regards and have a nice day ahead"
Thank God the location is near Eunos MRT; I can do my stuff after course and then go home.
I thank God for sustaining me and preventing me from falling asleep and stuff. My tummy doesn't give me diarrhea but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. Been praying for it and hopefully everything's cool all the way till camp is over.
My time is packed! I'm so grateful for such a packed period so that I am not idle. :)
What would you do if you need money and doesn't want to force a fellow church member? For me, I don't know what to say about this incident. Is God trying to test me or trying to teach me something? I guess I've learnt something. Never lend any money when you are in debt.
Money is such a sensitive issue. Unless you have extra to spare, you shouldn't even allow it to happen. Right now I'm super broke. Not that it'll be like that for the rest of the week, but I'm actually planning ahead - so that I do not eat grass when I'm back. My finance is not on zero or even positive. It's negative neh. -.- As compared to my debtor, my situation is worse than him.
As much as worries keep pouring in, I admit that I panicked. Not because I needed it, but that it would help so much in the events to come - a church wedding, pay for a sister's birthday pressie (yes, not paid) and of course a 3-days allowance when I get back (I spend less than $10/day). Since he couldn't pay until next week, I wouldn't want to force my debtor like the unforgiving servant that Jesus spoke of in the parable of the unmerciful servant.
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant [Matthew 18:21-35 New International Version (NIV)]
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him.
25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’
27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.
33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’
34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
I don't think he wanted to let it go of my constant prompting (been over 2 months already) and kind of insisted on his correctness and kept on sending screenshots of previous conversations. I just explained that I understand already and asked why he sent those screenshots. That's when my phone was searching for signal and the conversation was cut after that.
Well, if I did not get the money as indicated by him, I may just skip the whole church wedding. Just because I know I cannot afford to be present. :)
Thank God there's no drilling.
This is from the company providing the course, "Thanks for your sms
The 22 hrs SFA course is inclusive test for a class of 20 paxs.
Our class size is 6 paxs
We do not compromise the contents and ensure that no waiting time during practical sessions
Minimum 2 trainers to guide you during training
We are committed to the quality of our standard thus our tests cover all aspects viz
30 MCQs that covers all 13 topics and practical tests cover conscious choking to unconcious choking, cpr, head-to-toe examination, recovery position, dressing of wounds and immobilisation of fractures. You need to be competent in order to pass the practical test.
Regards and have a nice day ahead"
Thank God the location is near Eunos MRT; I can do my stuff after course and then go home.
I thank God for sustaining me and preventing me from falling asleep and stuff. My tummy doesn't give me diarrhea but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. Been praying for it and hopefully everything's cool all the way till camp is over.
My time is packed! I'm so grateful for such a packed period so that I am not idle. :)
What would you do if you need money and doesn't want to force a fellow church member? For me, I don't know what to say about this incident. Is God trying to test me or trying to teach me something? I guess I've learnt something. Never lend any money when you are in debt.
Money is such a sensitive issue. Unless you have extra to spare, you shouldn't even allow it to happen. Right now I'm super broke. Not that it'll be like that for the rest of the week, but I'm actually planning ahead - so that I do not eat grass when I'm back. My finance is not on zero or even positive. It's negative neh. -.- As compared to my debtor, my situation is worse than him.
As much as worries keep pouring in, I admit that I panicked. Not because I needed it, but that it would help so much in the events to come - a church wedding, pay for a sister's birthday pressie (yes, not paid) and of course a 3-days allowance when I get back (I spend less than $10/day). Since he couldn't pay until next week, I wouldn't want to force my debtor like the unforgiving servant that Jesus spoke of in the parable of the unmerciful servant.
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant [Matthew 18:21-35 New International Version (NIV)]
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him.
25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’
27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.
33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’
34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
I don't think he wanted to let it go of my constant prompting (been over 2 months already) and kind of insisted on his correctness and kept on sending screenshots of previous conversations. I just explained that I understand already and asked why he sent those screenshots. That's when my phone was searching for signal and the conversation was cut after that.
Well, if I did not get the money as indicated by him, I may just skip the whole church wedding. Just because I know I cannot afford to be present. :)
Friday, 11 November 2011
Right.. diarrhea again.
Have been suffering from diarrhea these days; when I tried to spell diarrhea, I always get it all wrong.
Anyway, today is GREAT because there's only two students. I felt so tired for my first student and then super energetic for my second one. Anyway, my second student, a P4 from Rivervale Pri, scored an 85.5% for her science. She's my most diligent student thus far, and I'm so grateful to God for sending her to me.
I was so tired I guess after this blogging I'll go sleep. I have no idea why no matter how much I've rested, I always find myself dozing off.. I pray that it's not my blood deficiency (Thalassaemia beta minor) again. I hope my diarrhea is not part of the cause of it. Anything to do with blood means anything can happen. I know that sleepiness will occur, but not quite sure about my diarrhea. I may need my favorite veggies again to keep the symptoms at bay.
I feel like going to Ubin this Saturday with the YAF. Like the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, I want to enjoy the nature and stuff. However, I'm scheduled to go for First Aid Training this Saturday. It's going to be a 9am-6pm training so I have to postpone one student to Sunday (again.. {-.-}) and probably cancel one this week. Same for next week: postpone to Sunday for one and probably postpone tuition to noon after a church wedding. After that, I'm off to Thailand. If I can get data-bundle there, I'll purchase it for ten days so that in case I'm lost I can still contact my team. I'm fearful of auto-roaming. It's too expensive.
OK! It's really late. Nights.
Anyway, today is GREAT because there's only two students. I felt so tired for my first student and then super energetic for my second one. Anyway, my second student, a P4 from Rivervale Pri, scored an 85.5% for her science. She's my most diligent student thus far, and I'm so grateful to God for sending her to me.
I was so tired I guess after this blogging I'll go sleep. I have no idea why no matter how much I've rested, I always find myself dozing off.. I pray that it's not my blood deficiency (Thalassaemia beta minor) again. I hope my diarrhea is not part of the cause of it. Anything to do with blood means anything can happen. I know that sleepiness will occur, but not quite sure about my diarrhea. I may need my favorite veggies again to keep the symptoms at bay.
I feel like going to Ubin this Saturday with the YAF. Like the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, I want to enjoy the nature and stuff. However, I'm scheduled to go for First Aid Training this Saturday. It's going to be a 9am-6pm training so I have to postpone one student to Sunday (again.. {-.-}) and probably cancel one this week. Same for next week: postpone to Sunday for one and probably postpone tuition to noon after a church wedding. After that, I'm off to Thailand. If I can get data-bundle there, I'll purchase it for ten days so that in case I'm lost I can still contact my team. I'm fearful of auto-roaming. It's too expensive.
OK! It's really late. Nights.
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
Physically exhausting?
I'm so thankful and grateful for today. Spent time with a sister in Christ regarding the discipleship for mission trip, and also talk about any other that are God-related. I must say that I learnt a lot today!
Apart from learning, I'm trying to apply to the building relationship with the family in Christ, so that I can be encouraging and comforting at all times. I'm trying to relate as much as I can. Mainly because if you don't do so, you wouldn't feel the same for yourself.
That's what I've been noticing throughout my walk with Christ thus far. I realized that I'm so full of emotions, but I find it hard to display them (not to the emo type though. Self-control, display only interesting and positive emotions). I need to be happy in Christ! I am happy in Christ but I'm trying to portray that happiness without boasting about my belief in Christ. It should be how much Christ has been making me happy.
My sis is preparing to go overseas now so I have the whole room to myself soon. Actually, not that anything has changed la. Just that if I sleep talk or whatsoever I wouldn't affect anyone. :P oh, and I can pray aloud without thinking that someone will just enter the room.
Anyway, I have a student whose daddy hit her so hard because she gotten just pass for her SA2 for both maths and eng. I'm disappointed but the girl's confidence was so traumatized that she just looked like she's going to cry again because of the tremendous pressure. I recounted that my parents never resort to such things as their words had always been encouraging even though I failed miserably. Now I'm wondering what kind of world are we living? It's like, even though kids are bundle of joy, they are brought here to suffer whatever their parents impose. I guess there are times I'm trying too hard to live up to my parents expectations (especially my dad) until my rubber band snapped and I start to do something that hurt them.
Thank God for His divine intervention and made me feel wanted. Otherwise, I'll still be a little girl trying to follow people's ideas (be it good or bad) just to fit in.
Apart from learning, I'm trying to apply to the building relationship with the family in Christ, so that I can be encouraging and comforting at all times. I'm trying to relate as much as I can. Mainly because if you don't do so, you wouldn't feel the same for yourself.
That's what I've been noticing throughout my walk with Christ thus far. I realized that I'm so full of emotions, but I find it hard to display them (not to the emo type though. Self-control, display only interesting and positive emotions). I need to be happy in Christ! I am happy in Christ but I'm trying to portray that happiness without boasting about my belief in Christ. It should be how much Christ has been making me happy.
My sis is preparing to go overseas now so I have the whole room to myself soon. Actually, not that anything has changed la. Just that if I sleep talk or whatsoever I wouldn't affect anyone. :P oh, and I can pray aloud without thinking that someone will just enter the room.
Anyway, I have a student whose daddy hit her so hard because she gotten just pass for her SA2 for both maths and eng. I'm disappointed but the girl's confidence was so traumatized that she just looked like she's going to cry again because of the tremendous pressure. I recounted that my parents never resort to such things as their words had always been encouraging even though I failed miserably. Now I'm wondering what kind of world are we living? It's like, even though kids are bundle of joy, they are brought here to suffer whatever their parents impose. I guess there are times I'm trying too hard to live up to my parents expectations (especially my dad) until my rubber band snapped and I start to do something that hurt them.
Thank God for His divine intervention and made me feel wanted. Otherwise, I'll still be a little girl trying to follow people's ideas (be it good or bad) just to fit in.
Super unmotivated...........
I thought I was crazy when I ran just to catch up with bus 15 today. I ran as fast as my legs could bring me and my heart almost stop beating because it was beating rapidly that I could not find a time to grasp for air. I have to calm myself down by working on my breathing so as to keep my consciousness alive. Then, it happened again for the same service number for different timing. I did not want to wait for another 6 mins so I ran again just to catch that approaching bus as 'tipped-off' by sgBuses app.
That's when I realized, I need to get the exercise done otherwise I'll be the one fainting when trekking to Mae Sariang.
When I got home, I was so motivated. As if motivation will run with time, it just diminishes as time passes by. I was busy getting worship tracks for my running! I even had the route figured out and stuff. When I looked at the clock that showed 11.30pm, I just gave up and waited for my mum to finish bathing so that I could have mine.
This is not the first time la. I kept postponing, waiting for that right time to go run and climb stairs. I just don't want to be offered seats when I'm on bus or in MRT. Sigh.
That's when I realized, I need to get the exercise done otherwise I'll be the one fainting when trekking to Mae Sariang.
When I got home, I was so motivated. As if motivation will run with time, it just diminishes as time passes by. I was busy getting worship tracks for my running! I even had the route figured out and stuff. When I looked at the clock that showed 11.30pm, I just gave up and waited for my mum to finish bathing so that I could have mine.
This is not the first time la. I kept postponing, waiting for that right time to go run and climb stairs. I just don't want to be offered seats when I'm on bus or in MRT. Sigh.
Tuesday, 8 November 2011
I finally released it
After much piling and stuff, I've finally released it to the Lord. Indeed it's hard to survive christianity alone; I do feel better casting the bulk of hurt and pain to Him. I just got fed-up with my way of handling things.
Probably I just need a good rest. I'm just tired fighting it alone I guess. Best way is still leave it to Jesus.
Cry Out To Jesus lyrics
Songwriters: Carr, David; Anderson, Samuel Tai; Lee, Mark D; Powell, Johnny Mac; Avery, Bradley B C;
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keepin' you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing
And there is no one who can make it right
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus
For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
Have lost all of their faith in love
And they've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough
For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone
In your shame and your suffering
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out
You just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wipin' the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
That meets you wherever you are
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
That meets you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus
Probably I just need a good rest. I'm just tired fighting it alone I guess. Best way is still leave it to Jesus.
Cry Out To Jesus lyrics
Songwriters: Carr, David; Anderson, Samuel Tai; Lee, Mark D; Powell, Johnny Mac; Avery, Bradley B C;
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keepin' you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing
And there is no one who can make it right
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus
For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
Have lost all of their faith in love
And they've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough
For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone
In your shame and your suffering
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out
You just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wipin' the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
That meets you wherever you are
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
That meets you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus
Monday, 7 November 2011
I'm so thankful I can provide for my family
Just now mummy asked about contributing to the family about $200 (should she quit her job). I don't know why at first my heart dropped when mummy asked. Was it because I still have other things going on or is it because my income isn't stable?
I hesitated. I DID! I'm so ashamed of myself right now. Anyway, I told her yes, but after I clear whatever commitments I need to do.
Frankly speaking, $200 isn't tough. I can give $300 on good months of teaching. :) Having said that, I can't do mission trips anymore unless I've saved enough for one. Of course, I'll commence my saving plans with POSB soon. On December or January I guess. It'll be good because I was so worried that once I've repaid my debts, I have no motivation to save or work. (That's just so me) I'm self-driven, but I need something to drive me. Thank God that He provided that drive, knowing my character so, so well.
That also push me to put more faith on God to provide for my family, another way to guide my family to God. Even if they don't see God's goodness right now, I pray that my life will reflect well (even though it's pretty flawed all the time).
I don't need much actually. I'm surviving on less than $500 per month. I just remembered someone owe me money. sigh. I'm sure I won't want to lend anyone money if I cannot afford to. Anyway, I did not agree to lend. It was supposed to share something bought and the payment was dragged for about 2 months. Now I need it to pay for a lot of things. Just don't share/lend/whatever if I cannot afford to do it. Period.
I hesitated. I DID! I'm so ashamed of myself right now. Anyway, I told her yes, but after I clear whatever commitments I need to do.
Frankly speaking, $200 isn't tough. I can give $300 on good months of teaching. :) Having said that, I can't do mission trips anymore unless I've saved enough for one. Of course, I'll commence my saving plans with POSB soon. On December or January I guess. It'll be good because I was so worried that once I've repaid my debts, I have no motivation to save or work. (That's just so me) I'm self-driven, but I need something to drive me. Thank God that He provided that drive, knowing my character so, so well.
That also push me to put more faith on God to provide for my family, another way to guide my family to God. Even if they don't see God's goodness right now, I pray that my life will reflect well (even though it's pretty flawed all the time).
I don't need much actually. I'm surviving on less than $500 per month. I just remembered someone owe me money. sigh. I'm sure I won't want to lend anyone money if I cannot afford to. Anyway, I did not agree to lend. It was supposed to share something bought and the payment was dragged for about 2 months. Now I need it to pay for a lot of things. Just don't share/lend/whatever if I cannot afford to do it. Period.
Everyone in my family is bully
Remember I told you about my sister offering about $400 for my mum's birthday present? It turns out to be a hoax, and my poor mummy went to withdraw money just to return my sister.
All this started with miscommunication and misunderstanding.
On the eve of my mum's birthday, she whatsapped me about having this sum of money in her 'wallet' and asked me to buy something for my mum as a shared gift because she'll be at KL for her friend's wedding. I thought that wedding is once in a lifetime event so I did not think much of it. After that let her know how much. Firstly, she did not even mention that she's going to Phuket next week. She even mentioned buying iPhone4s for my mum! We bought that compressed cooker for mum. I even whatsapped her on the spot telling her we're buying the cooker. When she's coming back she revealed her 'secret' that the money is for her Phuket trip.
No offense, but she could've tell me first right? Then she threw tantrum after I told her I have no money to return whatever money spent and mum immediately knew something was wrong and asked me about it. She came to ask me about it and I spilled the beans. My poor mum went to withdraw money just to return her back. I was like what?! No wonder she still behaves as if my family will protect her no matter what. Mum passed that $70 to her and I immediately went to return her. How could I? I don't take back a gift I have given.
I should've known her pattern!
Thinking that she has become so filial and wanted to really buy something for mum was just my part of wishful thinking. Come to think of it, every time we shared gift to buy for my mum, she fails to pay me back the money. When we decided to share Mothers' Day present (for a samsung TV for $999) two years ago, my sis did not return the money even though it was end of the year. It's sad to say that I shouldn't even believe her anymore. Just ultimately ridiculous and a total joke of the day.
STAY AWAY FROM HER, JOELLE! Don't even think about restoring any sister-kinship with her in any way. Even if you are, she is not willing!
Poor mum has to put up with a notorious bully as a son, and an unreasonable, don't-know-don't-care attitude and likes-to-take-advantage daughter and a husband who likes to complain and spit negativity on life and an elder daughter who doesn't even know how to settle her life with stability and stop making mistakes. Seriously, I don't even know how she survived.
updated:
My mum said she's feeling angry not because she paid for it. It's because she contributed more! I was like, how many years have I contributed 100% and she failed to pay any money that she agreed to share? Now she's being calculative?! Then all those money she failed to repay me back are enough to cover all the 'extra' amount she did not return! Seriously. {-.-"} Mum just kept quiet after I spilled my beans again.
Sorry, elephant's memory acting up again. =x
updated:
My mum said she's feeling angry not because she paid for it. It's because she contributed more! I was like, how many years have I contributed 100% and she failed to pay any money that she agreed to share? Now she's being calculative?! Then all those money she failed to repay me back are enough to cover all the 'extra' amount she did not return! Seriously. {-.-"} Mum just kept quiet after I spilled my beans again.
Sorry, elephant's memory acting up again. =x
Curiosity about God
ok, I must say, whenever I have nothing much to do, the God related thoughts just keep flooding my mind. You know, the best way to find out is to ask to the One, the King of kings, and the Lord of lords. When it comes to here, I just get really despondent - because I was more innocent than I am now.
Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:4 KJV)
As I recount how innocent I was ten years ago, I started to feel really curious: How do I keep the innocence I had decade ago while being mature as advised and instructed in the Proverbs? I can still remember how I talk to God as a Father, and thoroughly pour every pain and suffering to Him, and to tell Him my anxiety as a teenager....basically anything I could think of. As a matter of fact, I had no problem striking a conversation with Him as and when I feel like it.
So why is it so hard now? I yearn to be a kid in front of God. Like whatever that has happened a decade ago. I find myself struggling, and yet I have this thought as an adult. How to humble myself like a child? I do pray that someone will guide me.
Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:4 KJV)
As I recount how innocent I was ten years ago, I started to feel really curious: How do I keep the innocence I had decade ago while being mature as advised and instructed in the Proverbs? I can still remember how I talk to God as a Father, and thoroughly pour every pain and suffering to Him, and to tell Him my anxiety as a teenager....basically anything I could think of. As a matter of fact, I had no problem striking a conversation with Him as and when I feel like it.
So why is it so hard now? I yearn to be a kid in front of God. Like whatever that has happened a decade ago. I find myself struggling, and yet I have this thought as an adult. How to humble myself like a child? I do pray that someone will guide me.
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Mummy's birthday
I'm so dumbfounded. My sis set aside a certain amount of money and ask me to buy stuff for my mum. I told her I can only afford $50 and hers is like 8times more than mine, but I seriously think that she should use the money and settle whatever financial issue instead.
After a long, hard thought (with iPad and iPod and stuff going on in my mind), I've decided to buy her new year clothes. Most of her new year clothes are either given by relatives who doesn't want it anymore, or clothes that her sisters and aunts buy specifically for her because they know she will not buy. I'll probably ask her to pick a set of clothes for chinese new year and it's usable and inexpensive. I do not intend to use all the money because my mum will surely asks her to save - she needs it.
Haiz. Alright. I shall go to Tampines and buy my students' assessments and my need for next year's teaching. I need to get the first aid refresher course done ASAP, and planning for my students' homework while I'm away.
I can only totally relax after ss camp.
Updated:
Decided on compressed cooker instead. Mum wasn't interested in fashion or the sorts. I told her about iPad, iPod or CNY clothes. However, the moment I told her bout the compressed cooker, her eyes sparkled. We went to NTUC and Best Denki in search of the compressed cooker, but none has it. Thankfully, BHG has Germany-imported compressed cooker that are on promotion. After the $200++ discount, we managed to get it for about $369. We know the wonders of compressed cooker (saves time cooking and marinating) so we believe it's going to serve us for a long long time.
When going home, my dad was nagging about my mum's job again. Anyway, mum's worry and dad's worry is understandable, but they are both flawed as well. I also notice my paternal side's manipulative relatives acting.....mum was rather unhappy about my dad spreading it when she haven't even decided to leave her company. Frankly speaking, my dad is not even capable of what he had promised. Mainly because it happened and he can just get so stressed that he'll keep drinking and drinking and then go crazy - smashing beer bottles, threatened to hit mum, complain in loud, drunk manner and stuff. There's just no peace. I find no peace thinking about it actually. None of my ex likes my family. I can only pray to my sweet Lord. If that happens, I'll find a new place and move - so that my family have other place to live if my dad really go crazy.
I don't mind my mum finding a morning shift job. Not working? My dad cannot handle. So it's better she stick to this current job until she finds a new one. Hopefully NTUC or something. I truly wonder why God places me in this family. It does weighs me down sometimes. The thought of having them receive Christ and have a proper and godly lives is my only motivation: it's not the end because I truly believe that God will intervene and show His greatest love to them. I'm just waiting and loving them as God has been loving me so that I can be a testimony of God's goodness and lovingkindness.
After a long, hard thought (with iPad and iPod and stuff going on in my mind), I've decided to buy her new year clothes. Most of her new year clothes are either given by relatives who doesn't want it anymore, or clothes that her sisters and aunts buy specifically for her because they know she will not buy. I'll probably ask her to pick a set of clothes for chinese new year and it's usable and inexpensive. I do not intend to use all the money because my mum will surely asks her to save - she needs it.
Haiz. Alright. I shall go to Tampines and buy my students' assessments and my need for next year's teaching. I need to get the first aid refresher course done ASAP, and planning for my students' homework while I'm away.
I can only totally relax after ss camp.
Updated:
Decided on compressed cooker instead. Mum wasn't interested in fashion or the sorts. I told her about iPad, iPod or CNY clothes. However, the moment I told her bout the compressed cooker, her eyes sparkled. We went to NTUC and Best Denki in search of the compressed cooker, but none has it. Thankfully, BHG has Germany-imported compressed cooker that are on promotion. After the $200++ discount, we managed to get it for about $369. We know the wonders of compressed cooker (saves time cooking and marinating) so we believe it's going to serve us for a long long time.
When going home, my dad was nagging about my mum's job again. Anyway, mum's worry and dad's worry is understandable, but they are both flawed as well. I also notice my paternal side's manipulative relatives acting.....mum was rather unhappy about my dad spreading it when she haven't even decided to leave her company. Frankly speaking, my dad is not even capable of what he had promised. Mainly because it happened and he can just get so stressed that he'll keep drinking and drinking and then go crazy - smashing beer bottles, threatened to hit mum, complain in loud, drunk manner and stuff. There's just no peace. I find no peace thinking about it actually. None of my ex likes my family. I can only pray to my sweet Lord. If that happens, I'll find a new place and move - so that my family have other place to live if my dad really go crazy.
I don't mind my mum finding a morning shift job. Not working? My dad cannot handle. So it's better she stick to this current job until she finds a new one. Hopefully NTUC or something. I truly wonder why God places me in this family. It does weighs me down sometimes. The thought of having them receive Christ and have a proper and godly lives is my only motivation: it's not the end because I truly believe that God will intervene and show His greatest love to them. I'm just waiting and loving them as God has been loving me so that I can be a testimony of God's goodness and lovingkindness.
Friday, 4 November 2011
What have I done?
Thank God for such a beautiful birthday celebration. It's a pity I couldn't stay for her special item. Everyone did so much for our birthday girl! (correction: birthday lady) ;)
I'm so thankful for such a wonderful celebration with the YAs. It has certainly made yesterday a joyous day. Now I'm wondering how to celebrate my mum's birthday which is this Sat.
I dont know why but two students cried yesterday and today. I was so shocked because it's been such a long time since my student cried. I panicked of course, and keep prompting about why they cry. Usually I can't get any answers, so I shared my story with them.
As a EM3 student, I told them how I hated studying and refused to submit to my tuition teacher and homework. In her desperation, my mum decided to leave us alone. I was the witty one who lead my sister to oppose tuition teachers. As you know, it brought her down badly.
If I have a chance to prevent my students from going to foundational class, I will. Ive been there, done that and I certainly would not want them to go through the painful things I went through, no matter what it is. However, I guess because of that I've placed quite a lot of stress on them, thus causing them to cry.
I guess I dread teaching my P5 because she's not improving and neither is she that cooperative in lessons. I've somewhat given up I guess. I've racked my brains to teach her English and she couldn't get it into her head. I'm at wit's end actually. I better see what other alternatives I can get from the brother in Christ on assessment books.
Anyway, I quite love my current bible verse calendar. I think it's a great way to memorise verses. Too bad can't upload it. I'll upload it when I'm home. Gotta plan for three weeks worth of homework for my students. It's gonna be a painful marking days when I get back.
updated:
When I got home, I gotten another surprise from mummy. She bought Samsung PL170 for both my sis and me. Crazy it seems, she actually picked my fav colour: purple. As much as I'm thankful and grateful for her gift (my Olympus is half-dead with battery and video problems and I actually prayed for one camera), I thought she could've save the money and keep it for Lucius. I did not know how much it is, but it seems costly because I actually went only to look at its specs and the price for it is about US$200. Thank God for His providence. I pray that my mummy will be happy after leaving the supermarket, and hopefully find a fixed-morning shift job.
I also pray for wisdom and knowledge in teaching my going-to-be-P6 student plus a new student tomorrow. Life is ever changing.
Right now, the marriage issue keep coming. I know inside me I would really like to have a soulmate, but I find myself running away from it. Literally run away from it. I guess I'm too comfortable as an individual. It's weird to have someone with me anyway. :)
I'm so thankful for such a wonderful celebration with the YAs. It has certainly made yesterday a joyous day. Now I'm wondering how to celebrate my mum's birthday which is this Sat.
I dont know why but two students cried yesterday and today. I was so shocked because it's been such a long time since my student cried. I panicked of course, and keep prompting about why they cry. Usually I can't get any answers, so I shared my story with them.
As a EM3 student, I told them how I hated studying and refused to submit to my tuition teacher and homework. In her desperation, my mum decided to leave us alone. I was the witty one who lead my sister to oppose tuition teachers. As you know, it brought her down badly.
If I have a chance to prevent my students from going to foundational class, I will. Ive been there, done that and I certainly would not want them to go through the painful things I went through, no matter what it is. However, I guess because of that I've placed quite a lot of stress on them, thus causing them to cry.
I guess I dread teaching my P5 because she's not improving and neither is she that cooperative in lessons. I've somewhat given up I guess. I've racked my brains to teach her English and she couldn't get it into her head. I'm at wit's end actually. I better see what other alternatives I can get from the brother in Christ on assessment books.
Anyway, I quite love my current bible verse calendar. I think it's a great way to memorise verses. Too bad can't upload it. I'll upload it when I'm home. Gotta plan for three weeks worth of homework for my students. It's gonna be a painful marking days when I get back.
updated:
This is the lock-screen in my iPhone. Looks cool huh? I love the verse. It's like a reminder to myself, prompting God to search me and "QC" me, so that as a creation of His, I'm pleasing Him.
I also pray for wisdom and knowledge in teaching my going-to-be-P6 student plus a new student tomorrow. Life is ever changing.
Right now, the marriage issue keep coming. I know inside me I would really like to have a soulmate, but I find myself running away from it. Literally run away from it. I guess I'm too comfortable as an individual. It's weird to have someone with me anyway. :)
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Seriously, eleven?!
I may have eleven students. I just added one to my students collection and will commence my teacherism on her this coming sat. It's funny when parents approach me after exams. Well, at least I don't need to pay agent's fee.
Anyway, yesterday I was so tired that I postpone my last student. Today when I woke up, first thing was to smile and thank God for rest. I felt rejuvenated. Although I feel really happy that God blesses me and my students and God uses me to bless my students, I feel empty inside.
I've not been going to YAF or Precept and last week I did not go church. I feel...withdrawn. I don't know what's God's plan for me and I feel that He's not near also. I think I'm cooping myself up and trying my best to avoid everyone. It's like these 3 weeks have been some build-the-wall-around-me session when I just cut every communication I have with people. Although I can praise God whenever I play worship songs, I just feel that I'm not giving God a chance to be near.
Anyway, I only have one student at 5pm today and then a sister in Christ's 21st birthday! Tomorrow is going to be a great and blessed day! :)
Anyway, yesterday I was so tired that I postpone my last student. Today when I woke up, first thing was to smile and thank God for rest. I felt rejuvenated. Although I feel really happy that God blesses me and my students and God uses me to bless my students, I feel empty inside.
I've not been going to YAF or Precept and last week I did not go church. I feel...withdrawn. I don't know what's God's plan for me and I feel that He's not near also. I think I'm cooping myself up and trying my best to avoid everyone. It's like these 3 weeks have been some build-the-wall-around-me session when I just cut every communication I have with people. Although I can praise God whenever I play worship songs, I just feel that I'm not giving God a chance to be near.
Anyway, I only have one student at 5pm today and then a sister in Christ's 21st birthday! Tomorrow is going to be a great and blessed day! :)
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
It is still a tough module
Finally! I've uploaded my assignment. But sadly I have to forgo 20 marks because I don't know how to answer and there's no time to answer. I thank God for being able to hand it up. When I was uploading it, the turnitin kept giving error. I made a small prayer and suddenly, the system said I uploaded the assignment already. I heaved a sigh of relief and proceed to check if the assignment is in jibberish format. Thank God it isn't!
My fatigue took over as soon as I uploaded it. I still have four students, all the way to 10pm. At least it's done! I did my best. Seriously did my best. Started a week earlier and juggle between my students' exam and mine. I thank God for seeing me through.
Alright. I'm going to rest for an hr before my first student. Zzzzzzzzz...
My fatigue took over as soon as I uploaded it. I still have four students, all the way to 10pm. At least it's done! I did my best. Seriously did my best. Started a week earlier and juggle between my students' exam and mine. I thank God for seeing me through.
Alright. I'm going to rest for an hr before my first student. Zzzzzzzzz...
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