Today after teaching I went to town all alone.
Went to eat alone @ MOS Burger, sat at LIDO alone for about 2 hours doing precept homework, went for window shopping @ ION alone, staring at the large trailer screen @ LIDO lounge alone, watched midnight movie alone and took cab alone. I even bought salted popcorn and almost finished it myself.
Did it once and never want to do it again. I guess I'm old because cannot tolerate staying out so late anymore. LIDO really renovated themselves. It's no longer those old old cinema. Now looks more modern than GV. lol. Anyway, everything was nice except the guiding light at the side of the stairs. It was really glaring lo. I had to cover the side of the eye in order not to strain my eyes as it'll get too tired trying to concentrate on the movie. Talking about the movie, I watched Transformers 3 (3D). Great job to one of the brothers in church. He participated in Transformers 3 production and it's awesome! Can you imagine it's still full house for late night movie? Should've bought the IMAX 3D lo! That way I won't have to go home so late and will have a new movie experience.
I also bought myself a new silicon slip for my iPhone. Guess it's time to change anyway. Was trying to find assessment books but found out that prologue don't sell assessment books anymore. should've gone to Bras Brasah and shop first before going to town. =.= Tomorrow have to go there find P3 vocabulary books.
With each day passing my desire to get married grows stronger. With each day I also exercise self-control as there's really nothing much I can do about anything. I don't want to brush it aside because I feel that I'm not ready, but as I patiently wait for God to unveil His perfect gift of marriage for me, I want it to be full of anticipation and commitment that I'll leave it to Him, and not be impatient about it and take matters into my own hands. I remember Matthew 7, there's an intensity of petition to God - Ask, then seek and then knock. My desire has grown so great that I have the urge to knock! Find every possibilities for godly man. Never mind, I'm not quite in the right state of mind now because I'm tired.
I have Angels and Demons in my laptop now. Now I'm thinking what's the next show I want to watch. I'll still pray about group tutoring or school teaching. Alright, got to go sleep. Later! Nights!
Sunday, 31 July 2011
Saturday, 30 July 2011
Time alone
Today I've decided to have time alone. No friends, no YAF, just me, myself and God. Here I am in the downtown of Singapore, looking at mostly unsaved people enjoying themselves. Then it kind of reminded myself that my eyes should be on heavenly rewards, and not earthly pleasures: "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33 NASB) of course, it would be good if I can serve and witness to them. Like one of the brothers in church mentioned in Facebook, we must be like the waiter in the restaurant. ;)
Today I have no idea why I keep linking my loneliness to "him" again. As he was being himself, I start to reminise those good old days. That's when I keep telling myself that it's only a temporary happiness. With him it may not last at all because his eyes are on earth - to earn a lot of money, thinking that with that happiness in relationship will work. He had forgotten that being in a relationship money is not the only basic thing - fellowship is important. I can still remember how much I want to talk to him just like the past but whenever we meet, nothing really comes out of it. He tried to love me in a earthly way while I try to turn it into a something emotionally. We both were foolish and as I do my best to have self-control, I pray to God that we both will find someone more suitable for ourselves. We clearly are not suitable for each other at all now.
Seriously, I do not know how to knock so hard to God that I really want a partner. I feel kind of desperate.. Not for boyfriend, but for a completeness of life. I just want to love I suppos. You know, now everywhere around me are couples. Not jealous, but would really like to love someone right now, someone really godly. I wonder how it's like to love someone godly..really can't wait to learn more. Alright, I'm falling asleep while typing. Talk more tomorrow. ;)
Today I have no idea why I keep linking my loneliness to "him" again. As he was being himself, I start to reminise those good old days. That's when I keep telling myself that it's only a temporary happiness. With him it may not last at all because his eyes are on earth - to earn a lot of money, thinking that with that happiness in relationship will work. He had forgotten that being in a relationship money is not the only basic thing - fellowship is important. I can still remember how much I want to talk to him just like the past but whenever we meet, nothing really comes out of it. He tried to love me in a earthly way while I try to turn it into a something emotionally. We both were foolish and as I do my best to have self-control, I pray to God that we both will find someone more suitable for ourselves. We clearly are not suitable for each other at all now.
Seriously, I do not know how to knock so hard to God that I really want a partner. I feel kind of desperate.. Not for boyfriend, but for a completeness of life. I just want to love I suppos. You know, now everywhere around me are couples. Not jealous, but would really like to love someone right now, someone really godly. I wonder how it's like to love someone godly..really can't wait to learn more. Alright, I'm falling asleep while typing. Talk more tomorrow. ;)
Friday, 29 July 2011
A spouse checklist
Yesterday before sleeping, I actually wrote a list of my expectations for my future spouse. There's a total of 20 - 10 mandatory, 10 optional. Here goes:
Mandatory
1. Must be godly (from bible.org)
2. Spiritual knowledge must be above mine
3. Must be able to work hand-in-hand in reaching out with my family (just giving resources is not enough)
4. Family values, courtship rules and spiritual values must be biblical and similar (if bible did not state)
5. Must be financial stable
6. Must be able to communicate with my family
7. Must be firm and able to lead and able to listen if wrong
8. Able to protect, comfort and be patient with me
9. Must be able to accept my past
10. Helps and sustain me to be a godly woman
Optional
1. At least 1.7m tall
2. Not afraid of cold - loves to embrace cold weather like me! :)
3. Likes musical, music performances and movies (especially 3D)
4. Know how to fix stuff
5. Spontaneous
6. Agrees to not kiss or have much physical contact (like hugs, head on lap, playing with hair, hand on back, etc)
7. Able to do bible study or devotional together
8. Loves children
9. Willing to take my brother in (after marriage) if both my parents are unable to take care of him
10. Be really forgiving to my family
I know, I know. Some are just lame. Most are just considerations I've encountered with "him". There could be more. I pray that I'll have a good husband for myself. :)
Mandatory
1. Must be godly (from bible.org)
2. Spiritual knowledge must be above mine
3. Must be able to work hand-in-hand in reaching out with my family (just giving resources is not enough)
4. Family values, courtship rules and spiritual values must be biblical and similar (if bible did not state)
5. Must be financial stable
6. Must be able to communicate with my family
7. Must be firm and able to lead and able to listen if wrong
8. Able to protect, comfort and be patient with me
9. Must be able to accept my past
10. Helps and sustain me to be a godly woman
Optional
1. At least 1.7m tall
2. Not afraid of cold - loves to embrace cold weather like me! :)
3. Likes musical, music performances and movies (especially 3D)
4. Know how to fix stuff
5. Spontaneous
6. Agrees to not kiss or have much physical contact (like hugs, head on lap, playing with hair, hand on back, etc)
7. Able to do bible study or devotional together
8. Loves children
9. Willing to take my brother in (after marriage) if both my parents are unable to take care of him
10. Be really forgiving to my family
I know, I know. Some are just lame. Most are just considerations I've encountered with "him". There could be more. I pray that I'll have a good husband for myself. :)
Another road division for me to choose
Today my tuition mentor actually replied my SMS regarding the free test papers - she'll not be teaching after Nov, and the same goes for her husband.
That came as a shock to me. Having a 15years of tutoring experience, they can actually let it go like that. I suppose it's because all their kids are old and mature enough to let them work. What's more shocking is she's asking if I wanna take over all her P4 and P5 students - a total of 11 students. I wasn't prepared for it, so I told her I'll pray about it. It seems like my plans for NIE is swaying. As much as I love the free and easy life, I yearn for stability as well.
so this split in paths kind of asking me to make decision. Although God has been gracious to me about the time (2 months to think about it), I do pray that I can derive a God-glorifying decision that will surely and truly pleases Him.
I went to send a brother off; He's going to NYU to study law, and he's going to stay in Manhattan. Nice right? oh well, he's getting his masters there so when he's back, he can practice law. I see a lot of soon-to-be doctors in church but soon-to-be lawyer will be our first I think. Pray that he'll bring glory to God with his soon-to-be life skill. lol. It rhymes!
I've always feel that something is missing in my life. I hope that it doesn't get into a habit...
That came as a shock to me. Having a 15years of tutoring experience, they can actually let it go like that. I suppose it's because all their kids are old and mature enough to let them work. What's more shocking is she's asking if I wanna take over all her P4 and P5 students - a total of 11 students. I wasn't prepared for it, so I told her I'll pray about it. It seems like my plans for NIE is swaying. As much as I love the free and easy life, I yearn for stability as well.
so this split in paths kind of asking me to make decision. Although God has been gracious to me about the time (2 months to think about it), I do pray that I can derive a God-glorifying decision that will surely and truly pleases Him.
I went to send a brother off; He's going to NYU to study law, and he's going to stay in Manhattan. Nice right? oh well, he's getting his masters there so when he's back, he can practice law. I see a lot of soon-to-be doctors in church but soon-to-be lawyer will be our first I think. Pray that he'll bring glory to God with his soon-to-be life skill. lol. It rhymes!
I've always feel that something is missing in my life. I hope that it doesn't get into a habit...
Thursday, 28 July 2011
My daddy's worry
Today during breakfast and out of the blue, my daddy ask me to keep a look out for potential suitor. I merely replied, "slowly la..." in Mandarin. Then he continued saying that I should go observe how a man works and if that man is suitable to be my lifetime partner and that I'm not young anymore. I guess I was a little agitated because it's not that I don't want, but heavenly Father have not given one to me.....So I snapped him back saying he asked me to look carefully but with "added" speed. I was surprised by my action so I kept quiet. If I were to say I'm waiting for my heavenly Father to give, they'll look at me in disbelief because they are non-believers.
I don't know what I've gotten myself into, but being the only salt and light in this family (and I truly mean only one in my whole family tree), I have no one to turn to except my spiritual family. Even though it would be marvelous to have a courtship to support me spiritually, I'm not quite sure if it's the correct direction I'm looking at courtship.
Only God can give me strength to do all things through Christ. I just pray for strength to carry my everyday. Is it important to have courtship now? No. I have no peace in getting into one. Not that I'm worried, it's just that I am seriously not ready. So when will I be ready? December I guess. When I can shout out to God and say, "LORD!!! Thank you for Your providence. I want nothing more; but if You would like to give me more to bless others, teach me how to do it." Hope is there and here. The desire to get married is still there, but there are more things at hand that I need to settle.
I keep having this feeling of asking me to write down the questions about ready for courtship and my expectations. It seems urgent because it keeps ringing in my head. I'll see how it goes. I have a lot of things to do. I need to
1. De-clutter my room
2. Pack unwanted clothes
3. Organize my bags
4. Clear unwanted cosmetics and moisturizers and nail polish
5. Throw away stuff I know I will not use
6. Start designing clothes (gained a lot of ideas by going online window shopping @ cache-cache)
7. Pamper myself. :)
Oh well, let's see when I'll finish all these. need to get rid of some clothes, space and set life straighter. :)
I don't know what I've gotten myself into, but being the only salt and light in this family (and I truly mean only one in my whole family tree), I have no one to turn to except my spiritual family. Even though it would be marvelous to have a courtship to support me spiritually, I'm not quite sure if it's the correct direction I'm looking at courtship.
Only God can give me strength to do all things through Christ. I just pray for strength to carry my everyday. Is it important to have courtship now? No. I have no peace in getting into one. Not that I'm worried, it's just that I am seriously not ready. So when will I be ready? December I guess. When I can shout out to God and say, "LORD!!! Thank you for Your providence. I want nothing more; but if You would like to give me more to bless others, teach me how to do it." Hope is there and here. The desire to get married is still there, but there are more things at hand that I need to settle.
I keep having this feeling of asking me to write down the questions about ready for courtship and my expectations. It seems urgent because it keeps ringing in my head. I'll see how it goes. I have a lot of things to do. I need to
1. De-clutter my room
2. Pack unwanted clothes
3. Organize my bags
4. Clear unwanted cosmetics and moisturizers and nail polish
5. Throw away stuff I know I will not use
6. Start designing clothes (gained a lot of ideas by going online window shopping @ cache-cache)
7. Pamper myself. :)
Oh well, let's see when I'll finish all these. need to get rid of some clothes, space and set life straighter. :)
Wednesday, 27 July 2011
My day started well :)
Yesterday after my last post I was supposed to rest. However, I did not. I ended up reading the whole of boy meets girl through speed reading method. Crazy. I spent about an hour finishing that book and ended up crying. The last part caught me by surprise - something I thought I couldn't have, or don't dare to ask God for it due to my circumstance. Father just gently told me through the book that it's ok to desire marriage even in my situation. At the end of it, I should have faith that He'll provide. The time don't matter but the faith does.
That's when I broke down to tears. I prayed for forgiveness for not focusing on Him but on my circumstance, and that's when I sincerely prayed for a godly mate. I know I've not seen that man yet. It could be someone nearby or far away from me now, but the desire to be involved in a godly courtship just entice me. I found that I no longer look at it with fear and dreadfulness, but with enthusiasm and anticipation. I do love my God, who is always patient and gentle with me. I do pray that I can place whatever grace He has given me to someone who needs it, so that I can glorify Him.
Anyway, today's precept is interesting. Intriguing questions and it links to Matthew 1-5. Guess I'll compile it all and probably send it to my best guy friend for his church publishing.
That's when I broke down to tears. I prayed for forgiveness for not focusing on Him but on my circumstance, and that's when I sincerely prayed for a godly mate. I know I've not seen that man yet. It could be someone nearby or far away from me now, but the desire to be involved in a godly courtship just entice me. I found that I no longer look at it with fear and dreadfulness, but with enthusiasm and anticipation. I do love my God, who is always patient and gentle with me. I do pray that I can place whatever grace He has given me to someone who needs it, so that I can glorify Him.
Anyway, today's precept is interesting. Intriguing questions and it links to Matthew 1-5. Guess I'll compile it all and probably send it to my best guy friend for his church publishing.
It's weird I'm so tired yet feel so idle
OK, I think I'm not feeling well. I feel tired and idle. I have many things to work on at hand but at the same time I feel that I can take more. When asked why I'm feeling this way through a Christian website, my answers are all positive, and I feel God-glorifying.
So what exactly is the problem? Why am I feeling like this?
It has nothing to do with pride. I feel privileged to serve fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I don't exactly know what is going on but I know something is quite wrong with me - I've been feeling this way for quite some time.
I guess it's PMS. Never mind. I shall do my last 2 days of homework before going to precept class tomorrow morning.
So what exactly is the problem? Why am I feeling like this?
It has nothing to do with pride. I feel privileged to serve fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I don't exactly know what is going on but I know something is quite wrong with me - I've been feeling this way for quite some time.
I guess it's PMS. Never mind. I shall do my last 2 days of homework before going to precept class tomorrow morning.
Tuesday, 26 July 2011
Shocking life
As I am enjoying the breeze that God is sending to me, I stumbled across a post "he" made in Facebook. Apparently God remove him entirely from Goodwood Park. As I was shocked by this because he really treasure it, it dawned on me that sometimes our life decisions tell God how ready we are to live for Him, and not on the blessings He gave. Although "he" kinda failed in submitting to God, I'm glad that he's taking it easy.
I'm not sure how he's living now, but it seems like he has lost much more after we broke up. His band is not performing much for gigs, he got removed from performing at a really nice and beautiful hotel, and I do pray that his teaching is not affected in any way. As for his BMW, well, I'll slowly see if it changes to any other car - a better or worse car. I do pray that he can sustain such a pitfall after building it up for so many years.
Concerned as I am, I've decided not to be a busybody, asking how he is. Not that he deserves it, I actually sees it as a good time for the twins to contact him and include him in MCG. I'm ok with him joining YAF, and would be thrilled to see him submitting to God entirely again. to see how everyone puts God in their first priority is actually a very interesting thing. I'm still amazed by how I submit to God slowly also.
I pray that someone would love him just as he is, and I pray and would continue to pray that he would learn to be godly.
**********************************************************************************************************
another shocking life. One of the christian brother is actually involved in LFI. I told him about it and ask why is he involved with the MLM company. Told him that being inside is not good because they are confidence scammer and I don't think God wants us to spend our time on those things. Although I did not explain in detail how I got to know LFI, I just told him I was involved in it. No regrets or debts were mentioned. Just pure brief advise asking him to stay out of it. My relationship with my sister went to a new low because of this, and I'm financially traumatized because of it. If God's authority doesn't stop him from doing it, then my testimony will not help much either.
He asked me not to worry. I told him I'm not worried. I'm just merely did what a sister in Christ should do - warn before it gets out of hand. Even if God allows him to go in, He will definitely have the power to pull him out.
Now I totally believe that women and men with pride stray easily from God. I'm still doing my best in keeping my pride as low as possible. I don't dare to stray because consequences are huge. Can't afford to pay it. *shivers at the thought of it*
I'm not sure how he's living now, but it seems like he has lost much more after we broke up. His band is not performing much for gigs, he got removed from performing at a really nice and beautiful hotel, and I do pray that his teaching is not affected in any way. As for his BMW, well, I'll slowly see if it changes to any other car - a better or worse car. I do pray that he can sustain such a pitfall after building it up for so many years.
Concerned as I am, I've decided not to be a busybody, asking how he is. Not that he deserves it, I actually sees it as a good time for the twins to contact him and include him in MCG. I'm ok with him joining YAF, and would be thrilled to see him submitting to God entirely again. to see how everyone puts God in their first priority is actually a very interesting thing. I'm still amazed by how I submit to God slowly also.
I pray that someone would love him just as he is, and I pray and would continue to pray that he would learn to be godly.
**********************************************************************************************************
another shocking life. One of the christian brother is actually involved in LFI. I told him about it and ask why is he involved with the MLM company. Told him that being inside is not good because they are confidence scammer and I don't think God wants us to spend our time on those things. Although I did not explain in detail how I got to know LFI, I just told him I was involved in it. No regrets or debts were mentioned. Just pure brief advise asking him to stay out of it. My relationship with my sister went to a new low because of this, and I'm financially traumatized because of it. If God's authority doesn't stop him from doing it, then my testimony will not help much either.
He asked me not to worry. I told him I'm not worried. I'm just merely did what a sister in Christ should do - warn before it gets out of hand. Even if God allows him to go in, He will definitely have the power to pull him out.
Now I totally believe that women and men with pride stray easily from God. I'm still doing my best in keeping my pride as low as possible. I don't dare to stray because consequences are huge. Can't afford to pay it. *shivers at the thought of it*
Decided to move from LiveJournal to blogger
Yesterday LiveJournal went down and still is not up yet. I wanted to record my journal down but was unable to do so. After much consideration, I've decided to come back to blogger with a new set of account I created months ago.
Went to look for blog skin and saw this beautiful one. I guess it would serve as a reminder that I am letting Jesus to take over my life to a whole new level. I'm looking forward to be 'wowed' by God with His amazing perfect plan. There's one thing for sure - when I'm on my deathbed, I would be complete, wanting nothing more. :)
Yesterday was so nice! Students did their work; enjoyed teaching them. Just that two of my P3s are distracted. I do pray that God will guide them into understanding why learning is much more important than play.
Although life right now can be a little boring, but I'm thankful God is there always to make me busy. I need to grow spiritually as an individual first. That's when I'm confident that I can grow spiritually in a relationship, then in a family. I'm not going to that yet, because I know I'm not ready for anyone. I have no desire to get attached because I know I can't love the godly way. I'd rather emphasize my love for God first. :)
Went to look for blog skin and saw this beautiful one. I guess it would serve as a reminder that I am letting Jesus to take over my life to a whole new level. I'm looking forward to be 'wowed' by God with His amazing perfect plan. There's one thing for sure - when I'm on my deathbed, I would be complete, wanting nothing more. :)
Yesterday was so nice! Students did their work; enjoyed teaching them. Just that two of my P3s are distracted. I do pray that God will guide them into understanding why learning is much more important than play.
Although life right now can be a little boring, but I'm thankful God is there always to make me busy. I need to grow spiritually as an individual first. That's when I'm confident that I can grow spiritually in a relationship, then in a family. I'm not going to that yet, because I know I'm not ready for anyone. I have no desire to get attached because I know I can't love the godly way. I'd rather emphasize my love for God first. :)
Sunday, 24 July 2011
A blessed day with God (from livejournal)
Today I made my life fruitful. Had Sunday school camp prayer meeting, talked to my "boss" about the website and he suggested something which needs an Elder of the ministry to approve. So amazed by his suggestion! I really don't mind servicing fellow family members of my church.
Did all the available photos for my YAF notice board. Talked alot to my MCG leader and she was suggesting her ex-colleague whom we met on Friday. There she was, publicizing about him but to me, it's like fear swarming towards me! Why do I feel this way? I guess I clearly knows I'm not prepared for anything beyond friendship with anyone. Have I gotten over "him"? Yes, surprisingly. And most of the time I tell myself that I do not want to go back again. If he turns godly? I'll think about it when God is merciful to make him godly. All I do now is pray for him to stay close to God. Just as Matthew 6:33-34 says: ""But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:33-34 NASB)
During MCG leaders meeting his name was suddenly mentioned. My leader asked if it'll be awkward for me to see him in fellowship and I said no. I guess I'll be more than glad to see him there as he slowly walk closer to God. About why I would rather not look at him is because I am not ready to be tempted to think otherwise. I need to have self-control before I do anything that acknowledges him as a brother of Christ.
Whatever it is, I do pray that we are growing in all aspects of life and enjoy God's blessings without worries. :)
Anyway, I managed to do my precept work and I'll be doing two more days of precept work while I mediate on it on Tuesday. Felt really encouraged when an Indian family came to church asking what time is our service. I talked rotten for a while and then lead them to uncle John, the church warden. The little girl is so cute when she smiled at me. I thank God for encouragement I guess that's when I sped up in doing my precept homework. Life is truly beautiful with God around. ;)
Did all the available photos for my YAF notice board. Talked alot to my MCG leader and she was suggesting her ex-colleague whom we met on Friday. There she was, publicizing about him but to me, it's like fear swarming towards me! Why do I feel this way? I guess I clearly knows I'm not prepared for anything beyond friendship with anyone. Have I gotten over "him"? Yes, surprisingly. And most of the time I tell myself that I do not want to go back again. If he turns godly? I'll think about it when God is merciful to make him godly. All I do now is pray for him to stay close to God. Just as Matthew 6:33-34 says: ""But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:33-34 NASB)
During MCG leaders meeting his name was suddenly mentioned. My leader asked if it'll be awkward for me to see him in fellowship and I said no. I guess I'll be more than glad to see him there as he slowly walk closer to God. About why I would rather not look at him is because I am not ready to be tempted to think otherwise. I need to have self-control before I do anything that acknowledges him as a brother of Christ.
Whatever it is, I do pray that we are growing in all aspects of life and enjoy God's blessings without worries. :)
Anyway, I managed to do my precept work and I'll be doing two more days of precept work while I mediate on it on Tuesday. Felt really encouraged when an Indian family came to church asking what time is our service. I talked rotten for a while and then lead them to uncle John, the church warden. The little girl is so cute when she smiled at me. I thank God for encouragement I guess that's when I sped up in doing my precept homework. Life is truly beautiful with God around. ;)
Friday, 22 July 2011
Indifferent times (from livejournal)
Time flies; flies really fast. Now is Friday already. I can recollect when I was working in the government sector, when I would grumble about when the week is going to end. Here I am, thinking what I've achieved so far. Nothing much actually. I did not fellowship much because I was scared of wasting my available resources, and yet at the same time I regret not doing it because my life is going down to the unhealthy way.
I realized I sleep more than I should. I realized that I find it hard to wake up. I had enough sleep but don't understand why I just can't wake up. Then I went to research. It is linked to so many things! Thyroid disorder (family history), depression (my history), my blood disorder (family history) and my not-so-healthy eyes (since birth). Just pray that it's none of them but fatigue.
As I keep looking back to whatever past I had, I've realized how dark my life was. It's brighter now, all thanks to God. He was willing to include me into His kingdom, and allow me to dwell in it, all because He is gracious. I went to research about how I know if I am ready for courtship and found out that once I know the pros and cons of courtship, then I am ready. I know the pros and cons, but I still don't feel that I am ready. Probably not ready to take the pros and cons of it. :)
Although I did not consciously praise God everyday for sustaining my life thus far, I'm still thankful and grateful that I have lived, as a single, by not slogging the hell out of my life, by not living my life bitterly, but to live each day, knowing that I am doing my best to please my Father in heaven. It is true that when your eyes are on God is when things move exceptionally fast.
it's how wonderful life can be with Christ. As I wait patiently for His perfect plan on my life, I should have the faith to tell myself that the gift of life God created specially for me will come.
I realized I sleep more than I should. I realized that I find it hard to wake up. I had enough sleep but don't understand why I just can't wake up. Then I went to research. It is linked to so many things! Thyroid disorder (family history), depression (my history), my blood disorder (family history) and my not-so-healthy eyes (since birth). Just pray that it's none of them but fatigue.
As I keep looking back to whatever past I had, I've realized how dark my life was. It's brighter now, all thanks to God. He was willing to include me into His kingdom, and allow me to dwell in it, all because He is gracious. I went to research about how I know if I am ready for courtship and found out that once I know the pros and cons of courtship, then I am ready. I know the pros and cons, but I still don't feel that I am ready. Probably not ready to take the pros and cons of it. :)
Although I did not consciously praise God everyday for sustaining my life thus far, I'm still thankful and grateful that I have lived, as a single, by not slogging the hell out of my life, by not living my life bitterly, but to live each day, knowing that I am doing my best to please my Father in heaven. It is true that when your eyes are on God is when things move exceptionally fast.
it's how wonderful life can be with Christ. As I wait patiently for His perfect plan on my life, I should have the faith to tell myself that the gift of life God created specially for me will come.
Wednesday, 20 July 2011
Matthew 5 and my sickly verbalizing (from livejournal)
Went to precept class today. No idea why I'm so tired! But anyway, managed to go through the whole lesson and realized that there's more to Matthew 5 other than Beatitudes and Laws! Probably share it with that guy friend of mine for his church publication. I thought my church is conservative. His church is stricter! lol.
The whole of the chapter is not only to know who will be blessed and inherit kingdom of heaven, but to know that we need to fulfill the Laws when we are in Christ! And it's not about works, but to be completed in spirit.
I just don't feel well today. No fever, no body aching or whatsoever, but just plain tiredness. I was so tired I dozed off in class a couple of times and a few times in tuition and I even remember the time wrongly for my next tuition. I'll go rest after teaching, I said to myself, since there's no morning teaching tomorrow. That grandma I mentioned who wants to teach her grandson who is P3 cancelled her lesson before I conducted my first lesson. Funny it is, I'll just laugh with God. I guess He just wants to amuse me. ;)
I had a talk with that guy friend of mine about the doctrines and stuff. Although thoughts have been planted on me for no reason that he can be a good courtship-mate, I'd prefer not to think about it. I don't think I'll say yes if he asks. Just like my care group leader who mentioned that she did not like how firm her bf was on doctrines before they were together and never thought of being with him, I decided not to think abt it or whatsoever. God can work in amazing ways, but I guess not with him because we simply can't work in life and stuff.
This Friday I'm going to meet my care group leader with her ex-colleague from FCBC. Erm, no idea why they want me to meet them but I guess it's good to fellowship. I'm exposing myself to the possibility of courtship, but do not expect to have one any time soon because it'll take some time for me to understand a man's character like he understands mine. This time round I want to take it real slow and have it my last. :)
I do pray that I'll not get dengue fever from the aedes mosquito.
The whole of the chapter is not only to know who will be blessed and inherit kingdom of heaven, but to know that we need to fulfill the Laws when we are in Christ! And it's not about works, but to be completed in spirit.
I just don't feel well today. No fever, no body aching or whatsoever, but just plain tiredness. I was so tired I dozed off in class a couple of times and a few times in tuition and I even remember the time wrongly for my next tuition. I'll go rest after teaching, I said to myself, since there's no morning teaching tomorrow. That grandma I mentioned who wants to teach her grandson who is P3 cancelled her lesson before I conducted my first lesson. Funny it is, I'll just laugh with God. I guess He just wants to amuse me. ;)
I had a talk with that guy friend of mine about the doctrines and stuff. Although thoughts have been planted on me for no reason that he can be a good courtship-mate, I'd prefer not to think about it. I don't think I'll say yes if he asks. Just like my care group leader who mentioned that she did not like how firm her bf was on doctrines before they were together and never thought of being with him, I decided not to think abt it or whatsoever. God can work in amazing ways, but I guess not with him because we simply can't work in life and stuff.
This Friday I'm going to meet my care group leader with her ex-colleague from FCBC. Erm, no idea why they want me to meet them but I guess it's good to fellowship. I'm exposing myself to the possibility of courtship, but do not expect to have one any time soon because it'll take some time for me to understand a man's character like he understands mine. This time round I want to take it real slow and have it my last. :)
I do pray that I'll not get dengue fever from the aedes mosquito.
Living a godly life (from livejournal)
Just as I was thinking of how much I was putting in God, one of my care group member invited me to join the Sunday school camp committee in December. How can I say no? I love camps!
Then today the camp leader asked where I would like to serve. I told him activities and logistics! Lol. I can't really plan for lessons for now because I'm still a baby in faith. I want my life to be God-centered, God-glorifying and God-dependent so that I can grow spiritually. I'm still amazed by the peace I have so far, and as God is slowly peeling my ungodliness away and telling me gently how bad was my past relationship, I feel that I need to work on myself individually and yet at the same time pray for a godly man who would guide me into my new phase of life as a godly woman in courtship.
I know "he" will not be the one. For the same reason, I also pray that he'll slowly turn to God and be totally submissive and humble. I'm praying for godly character for myself as well, and actually make it a point to do it. I cannot pray and not do anything about it right? I find that it doesn't make sense at all.
Right now I'm reading Joshua Harris' Boy Meets Girl and am amazed by the criteria of courtship and stuff. I'm waiting for my birthday treat to renew my membership and buy those books for 30% off. So looking forward to it. Will be meeting my care group leader and her ex-colleague (which will officiate in 3 days' time). I know I'm not ready for anything romantic, just looking for a lot of irons to sharpen me. lol.
I've not been obedient to God in doing precept homework, but I'm thankful for the faithfulness in reading devotionals. I do pray that God will continue to sustain me as I do my best to be obedient.
Oh ya, I was bitten by an aedes mosquito. I think I'm feeling some effect but I do hope after a week I'm not down with dengue fever. That is a thought I'm combating. I was praying about it yesterday but I've decided not to pray too much about it since it'll generate worry for myself.
Anyway, I'm rather tired. Its going to be a beautiful day tomorrow. :)
Then today the camp leader asked where I would like to serve. I told him activities and logistics! Lol. I can't really plan for lessons for now because I'm still a baby in faith. I want my life to be God-centered, God-glorifying and God-dependent so that I can grow spiritually. I'm still amazed by the peace I have so far, and as God is slowly peeling my ungodliness away and telling me gently how bad was my past relationship, I feel that I need to work on myself individually and yet at the same time pray for a godly man who would guide me into my new phase of life as a godly woman in courtship.
I know "he" will not be the one. For the same reason, I also pray that he'll slowly turn to God and be totally submissive and humble. I'm praying for godly character for myself as well, and actually make it a point to do it. I cannot pray and not do anything about it right? I find that it doesn't make sense at all.
Right now I'm reading Joshua Harris' Boy Meets Girl and am amazed by the criteria of courtship and stuff. I'm waiting for my birthday treat to renew my membership and buy those books for 30% off. So looking forward to it. Will be meeting my care group leader and her ex-colleague (which will officiate in 3 days' time). I know I'm not ready for anything romantic, just looking for a lot of irons to sharpen me. lol.
I've not been obedient to God in doing precept homework, but I'm thankful for the faithfulness in reading devotionals. I do pray that God will continue to sustain me as I do my best to be obedient.
Oh ya, I was bitten by an aedes mosquito. I think I'm feeling some effect but I do hope after a week I'm not down with dengue fever. That is a thought I'm combating. I was praying about it yesterday but I've decided not to pray too much about it since it'll generate worry for myself.
Anyway, I'm rather tired. Its going to be a beautiful day tomorrow. :)
Thursday, 14 July 2011
my tiredness is beyond comprehension (from livejournal)
Man, I'm so tired. I stayed up late to watch a few episodes of the Duggars, and then went to print a lot of papers. Finally decided that it was enough to sleep. Time was about 10pm when I reached home, and I slept at about 1.30am.
Then this morning went to teach at Marine Parade (make up lesson for Tuesday night student), then later @ 2.30pm @ Eunos, and finally 6pm @ Aljunied. I'm crazy to have 4 students, and likely it'll be like this because of the granny I'll be teaching next week onwards. I really cannot imagine that. The thought of it actually send chills down my spine because I have never teach any granny before. The pay is good, I must admit, and I guess the family's rich because they live in a condo near Parkway Parade.
Anyway, I was so angry when I called Citibank earlier to close my Ready Credit account. I was actually angry when the operator actually said I did not put enough money in! I've even placed the extra $100 in to close the account. What kind of rubbish is this?! Then she said I did not call to close the account. I mentioned I called twice to close the account, went to two different branches to check how much I need to put in in order to close the account. All I did I double-checked! How can she say I did not put enough money inside, or did not close the account? It just doesn't make sense! I also mentioned I requested to cancel my Citibank Visa like months ago and it's not cancelled yet because I can still see the account in my statement. Funny right? Citibank so slack until never do work? >.<
I shall be angry in order to keep myself awake. {#_#} Seriously, I'm quite pissed off with life.
Then this morning went to teach at Marine Parade (make up lesson for Tuesday night student), then later @ 2.30pm @ Eunos, and finally 6pm @ Aljunied. I'm crazy to have 4 students, and likely it'll be like this because of the granny I'll be teaching next week onwards. I really cannot imagine that. The thought of it actually send chills down my spine because I have never teach any granny before. The pay is good, I must admit, and I guess the family's rich because they live in a condo near Parkway Parade.
Anyway, I was so angry when I called Citibank earlier to close my Ready Credit account. I was actually angry when the operator actually said I did not put enough money in! I've even placed the extra $100 in to close the account. What kind of rubbish is this?! Then she said I did not call to close the account. I mentioned I called twice to close the account, went to two different branches to check how much I need to put in in order to close the account. All I did I double-checked! How can she say I did not put enough money inside, or did not close the account? It just doesn't make sense! I also mentioned I requested to cancel my Citibank Visa like months ago and it's not cancelled yet because I can still see the account in my statement. Funny right? Citibank so slack until never do work? >.<
I shall be angry in order to keep myself awake. {#_#} Seriously, I'm quite pissed off with life.
Wednesday, 13 July 2011
Free day (from livejournal)
Today I had two students going to MBS for ArtScience exhibition. So I'm like left with one P1 student. I guess I was so idle that I cancelled that student as well. I wasn't feeling all that well and was so tired! I'm tired again actually even though I slept between 4.30pm to 6pm.
Thankfully I managed to finish precept homework with some thick encyclopedia I zapped - the Willmington's Guide to the Bible. Oh well, some questions in my homework can be found in that book. I'm thinking of putting them together as a thick book. After I finish clearing my debt I guess.
So happy because after realising the actual reason why I couldn't let him go, my life has become lighter and better. I acknowledge his presence but it's not as tough before. I did not bother to pray for godly mate recently because I think I'm not quite ready yet. I also won't want to wait till I am so financially stable to find one lest that person marries me because of my financial situation. That's the most disadvantage a woman can get. I would want a man who is godly and can work with. That's all I ask, but not now.
Today my biological father actually mocked me for not buying those toto or 4D. Nvm, I'll let God handle him, and hopefully he'll turn to Christ when he sees that his way of life is not working. I'm still prayerful about it. Though not everyday.
Alright. I'm so tired I gotta go rest. Till then, God bless!
Thankfully I managed to finish precept homework with some thick encyclopedia I zapped - the Willmington's Guide to the Bible. Oh well, some questions in my homework can be found in that book. I'm thinking of putting them together as a thick book. After I finish clearing my debt I guess.
So happy because after realising the actual reason why I couldn't let him go, my life has become lighter and better. I acknowledge his presence but it's not as tough before. I did not bother to pray for godly mate recently because I think I'm not quite ready yet. I also won't want to wait till I am so financially stable to find one lest that person marries me because of my financial situation. That's the most disadvantage a woman can get. I would want a man who is godly and can work with. That's all I ask, but not now.
Today my biological father actually mocked me for not buying those toto or 4D. Nvm, I'll let God handle him, and hopefully he'll turn to Christ when he sees that his way of life is not working. I'm still prayerful about it. Though not everyday.
Alright. I'm so tired I gotta go rest. Till then, God bless!
Monday, 11 July 2011
It was a fruitful weekend (from livejournal)
Was so tired from the railway trekking and the planning of the notice board that it has totally taken a toll on me. Group leaders are not exactly responding. I'm so glad that the board turns out well! I realized that I really enjoy doing publicity for the YAF and if God is willing, I don't mind doing it till I reach the maximum age for it. Lol.
Thankfully God sent the couple to help me out. We stayed till 5pm and managed to get the header and map done. Guess there's nothing much to do other than the MCG stuff. I'll put the notice board aside for a week and focus on my media ministry.
But my precept is not doing that great because I think it is mainly procrastination and laziness. Man, I need to pray for forgiveness and stuff on it. I need God to teach me how to manage time so that I don't get caught up with what I'm supposed to do.
Yesterday's message Rev. S. actually said something like why hold on to unhappy life when God brought you out of it? I find it speaking directly to me because despite the painful life I had with "him" around, I tend to look back to the good things instead of the bad and keep praying for God to give it back to me. yes, it does sound dumb. My good female church friend said something like, "he could be the best amongst your ex, but probably he's the the least rotten one in them, which doesn't mean that he is the best mate you can get."
I guess since Friday I have this thought that I don't hold on so tight anymore, and it's actually a blessing from God that I realized probably I hold on so tight to him is because I'm afraid I'm lonely. I gave up all my 10-yo friendship with those who choose to live in an ungodly way, my family criticized my belief as a Christian, and I wasn't close to anyone in church other than "him". Fear, I guess, got the best of me. I'm so thankful I've decided to let him go and look for another godly mate. I'm also thankful that God allows my friendship to blossom in church.
Finally, I'm at peace with myself.
Thankfully God sent the couple to help me out. We stayed till 5pm and managed to get the header and map done. Guess there's nothing much to do other than the MCG stuff. I'll put the notice board aside for a week and focus on my media ministry.
But my precept is not doing that great because I think it is mainly procrastination and laziness. Man, I need to pray for forgiveness and stuff on it. I need God to teach me how to manage time so that I don't get caught up with what I'm supposed to do.
Yesterday's message Rev. S. actually said something like why hold on to unhappy life when God brought you out of it? I find it speaking directly to me because despite the painful life I had with "him" around, I tend to look back to the good things instead of the bad and keep praying for God to give it back to me. yes, it does sound dumb. My good female church friend said something like, "he could be the best amongst your ex, but probably he's the the least rotten one in them, which doesn't mean that he is the best mate you can get."
I guess since Friday I have this thought that I don't hold on so tight anymore, and it's actually a blessing from God that I realized probably I hold on so tight to him is because I'm afraid I'm lonely. I gave up all my 10-yo friendship with those who choose to live in an ungodly way, my family criticized my belief as a Christian, and I wasn't close to anyone in church other than "him". Fear, I guess, got the best of me. I'm so thankful I've decided to let him go and look for another godly mate. I'm also thankful that God allows my friendship to blossom in church.
Finally, I'm at peace with myself.
Saturday, 9 July 2011
It is harder than I thought (from livejournal)
Today I had a short day. two students because two students are at Malacca now, and I shifted one student up from Saturday to Friday so that I can enjoy YAF totally tomorrow.
Then met with the church lady friend (who has a boyfriend) I mentioned earlier in the post. She's having some career decision to make and because of that her relationship with her boyfriend was a little rocky. Thank God they're fervent in resolving the issue fast and are ok now. I also met her male colleague who is single and Christian and we discussed a little about their office life, etc. The fellowship continued after the guy left for another gathering while we ladies talk about her career and "him" because she saw "him" while on the way to meet me. I seriously did not know how to react. I'm very disturbed by it.
As much as I have said I'm tired of crying for him, I cried again tonight. I don't know why I love him and couldn't let go. I don't know why he experienced what I'm experiencing and can behave like how his ex treated him in the past. I guess I've gotten to the point of hating myself for loving him. This thought keeps coming whenever I thought of that hatred against myself - Does God feels the same way too? He hates what we do and yet still keep loving. It's so painful; so, so much painful to bear. Sometimes I just wish that God will just deliver it from me like immediately so that I can carry with my life. You have no idea how desperate I am to carry on my life with peace, freedom and faithfulness - and yet still unable to achieve it.
I don't know how long I have to live through the pain. I don't even know why the pain is there, or how to get rid of it. I just pray that I will live through those days, so that I may embrace the beautiful rainbow in my heart after months of showering tears.
Then met with the church lady friend (who has a boyfriend) I mentioned earlier in the post. She's having some career decision to make and because of that her relationship with her boyfriend was a little rocky. Thank God they're fervent in resolving the issue fast and are ok now. I also met her male colleague who is single and Christian and we discussed a little about their office life, etc. The fellowship continued after the guy left for another gathering while we ladies talk about her career and "him" because she saw "him" while on the way to meet me. I seriously did not know how to react. I'm very disturbed by it.
As much as I have said I'm tired of crying for him, I cried again tonight. I don't know why I love him and couldn't let go. I don't know why he experienced what I'm experiencing and can behave like how his ex treated him in the past. I guess I've gotten to the point of hating myself for loving him. This thought keeps coming whenever I thought of that hatred against myself - Does God feels the same way too? He hates what we do and yet still keep loving. It's so painful; so, so much painful to bear. Sometimes I just wish that God will just deliver it from me like immediately so that I can carry with my life. You have no idea how desperate I am to carry on my life with peace, freedom and faithfulness - and yet still unable to achieve it.
I don't know how long I have to live through the pain. I don't even know why the pain is there, or how to get rid of it. I just pray that I will live through those days, so that I may embrace the beautiful rainbow in my heart after months of showering tears.
Thursday, 7 July 2011
God's answer (from livejournal)
Came across this from Facebook:
God answers in 3 ways
1. God says yes and gives you what you want
2. God says no but gives you something better
3. God says wait and gives you better than what you ask for
Now comes the question: what is God's reply to me? Lol.
I'm just a typical human.
I guess it's a wait. Not for Him to bless, but for Him to answer my prayers. I kind of know what are His answers to my so many problems, through the word of God.
Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:5-8 NASB)
For everything, with any situation, bible is like the manual for life. It's like the most straight-forward thing I can find for life application, but because it consists of so many long stories from different authors, the cross referencing part to understand it more in-depth could be hard on many people. Well, I'm waiting and looking forward to understanding it better.
God answers in 3 ways
1. God says yes and gives you what you want
2. God says no but gives you something better
3. God says wait and gives you better than what you ask for
Now comes the question: what is God's reply to me? Lol.
I'm just a typical human.
I guess it's a wait. Not for Him to bless, but for Him to answer my prayers. I kind of know what are His answers to my so many problems, through the word of God.
Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:5-8 NASB)
For everything, with any situation, bible is like the manual for life. It's like the most straight-forward thing I can find for life application, but because it consists of so many long stories from different authors, the cross referencing part to understand it more in-depth could be hard on many people. Well, I'm waiting and looking forward to understanding it better.
How to build a self-control wall? (from livejournal)
Man..today is not good at all. I'm sleepy, tired, emotional, and am going out of control. The urge to contact him keeps coming, and I can only divert my attention to my very tired body and my precept homework.
This is really not a good day at all.
This is really not a good day at all.
Wednesday, 6 July 2011
Overwhelmed with love (from livejournal)
Went for my second precept class. Good one! Learnt a lot, like the linkage of the questions, etc. I guess the method of asking us do homework first then discuss then understanding it is really effective. To find out questions and stuff. I guess I need to cultivate the habit of marking questions I have and raise it in class.
After the class the thoughts of "him" comes. Probably because he posted something in Facebook, etc. Anyway, the thought of how he is doing and stuff starts flooding, as if there's no self-control. So here I am, typing it down so that I don't indulge further and to get a clearer head once I let those thoughts out of my head through this journal. I guess putting it in a way that our relationship may not be God's plan, or the time is just not there.
Lol. "Count your blessings" is playing in my iPod. Chirpy song. It kind of divert the attention a little, and I'm grateful to God for that. I watched the Duggars after I was home and managed to clear a few episodes. They do cheer me up a little whenever I watch their show because it's interesting.
Thankful that my day has started and will end fast too. Thankful for some rest and able to save some money by cooking on my own instead of buying it outside. Everytime I feel like going back to "him" makes me realize I'm just not ready for him. I'll continue to pray and focus myself on God so that I am truly blessed with godly plans.
After the class the thoughts of "him" comes. Probably because he posted something in Facebook, etc. Anyway, the thought of how he is doing and stuff starts flooding, as if there's no self-control. So here I am, typing it down so that I don't indulge further and to get a clearer head once I let those thoughts out of my head through this journal. I guess putting it in a way that our relationship may not be God's plan, or the time is just not there.
Lol. "Count your blessings" is playing in my iPod. Chirpy song. It kind of divert the attention a little, and I'm grateful to God for that. I watched the Duggars after I was home and managed to clear a few episodes. They do cheer me up a little whenever I watch their show because it's interesting.
Thankful that my day has started and will end fast too. Thankful for some rest and able to save some money by cooking on my own instead of buying it outside. Everytime I feel like going back to "him" makes me realize I'm just not ready for him. I'll continue to pray and focus myself on God so that I am truly blessed with godly plans.
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
Good day I guess (from livejournal)
Today I managed clear 4.5days of homework for precept. Hallelujah! I cannot imagine without God's help because it is really tough! =x
Anyway, I've bought the shirt for him and will send it to him on his birthday. I'm looking forward to send him the shirt soon. It is really beautiful, but I did not get the female version because I did not want to make it look like some couples wear. We are not together anymore. I'm just thinking how long it will take for me to forget about my love for him and move on. It does take time. Not that I am impatient about it, just that I am curious how my life will be. Oh well, God will not tell unless I need to know. That's why He is so mysterious about His plans, and it kind of make me look forward to each day because He said He'll deliver us from anything bad.
3 girls today. I do pray for good teaching, obedient students and amazing time today. After teaching I need to do the remaining homework and then go for class early tomorrow. :) yay! lol.
nothing much happen today. Probably may update later. :)
Anyway, I've bought the shirt for him and will send it to him on his birthday. I'm looking forward to send him the shirt soon. It is really beautiful, but I did not get the female version because I did not want to make it look like some couples wear. We are not together anymore. I'm just thinking how long it will take for me to forget about my love for him and move on. It does take time. Not that I am impatient about it, just that I am curious how my life will be. Oh well, God will not tell unless I need to know. That's why He is so mysterious about His plans, and it kind of make me look forward to each day because He said He'll deliver us from anything bad.
3 girls today. I do pray for good teaching, obedient students and amazing time today. After teaching I need to do the remaining homework and then go for class early tomorrow. :) yay! lol.
nothing much happen today. Probably may update later. :)
Another wonderful fellowship (from livejournal)
Just had a fellowship with the lady whom I spent time with yesterday (the couple I mentioned two posts ago). We watched x-men and I must say it is really interesting and nice! Definitely worth watching.
Anyway, when we were having dinner, she asked me to share about how "he" and I hang out when we were together. While I was reminiscing, I realized that I have to stop. I still love him, but I'm not sure if it's God's will to have him in my life
. I even thought of speedpost him a present on his birthday, as a friend. Although I may not know if he'll wear it or frame it or whatsoever, but that shirt just symbolizes him - a piano player building a tree of music and future musicians with his favorite colour.
Self-control, Miss! Lol. Life isn't that beautiful after all because of its imperfection (sin). I'm not going to dwell about it but by God's plan. Thank God for YAF stuff done, and ink bought. I've done quite a lot of things today, and tomorrow there'll be more. It's weird to think how fascinating it'll be to be a testimony when my life gets better. Thank God it isn't any worse.
Anyway, when we were having dinner, she asked me to share about how "he" and I hang out when we were together. While I was reminiscing, I realized that I have to stop. I still love him, but I'm not sure if it's God's will to have him in my life
. I even thought of speedpost him a present on his birthday, as a friend. Although I may not know if he'll wear it or frame it or whatsoever, but that shirt just symbolizes him - a piano player building a tree of music and future musicians with his favorite colour.
Self-control, Miss! Lol. Life isn't that beautiful after all because of its imperfection (sin). I'm not going to dwell about it but by God's plan. Thank God for YAF stuff done, and ink bought. I've done quite a lot of things today, and tomorrow there'll be more. It's weird to think how fascinating it'll be to be a testimony when my life gets better. Thank God it isn't any worse.
Monday, 4 July 2011
One student still busy (from livejournal)
Today I only have one student because two students of mine decided to take a "day off" - youth day. Yes, Singapore celebrates youth day on the first Monday of July and since their parents agreed to it, I'm ok with it too. I'm tied up with precept too. I have to get at least two hours done today.
After joining precept I realized that before the class I barely give an hour a week for Jesus. For precept, I need to contribute 5hours to do the "comprehension", and then supposed to have last day to meditate on the word. Erm, given my restricted time, I need to do my YAF stuff before Friday because it is urgent. When doing God's work is important, I start to ponder if God's work or word is more important.
One good friend of mine was chatting with me today about his NEA contest. Funny thing is they extended the deadline again. -.-" now I'm wondering why they keep extending the competition. It does reflect badly on them. That aside, this friend of mine started complaining about "him". I have no idea why but I started defending him. This is crazy because I am starting to generate self-control on myself. I thank God that I made a little improvement. not much improvement, but that little improvement helps a lot. I realized that I keep using bible as reference going through my mind while trying to reason. But I guess that friend of mine started to get a little critical about it - like what I used to have. So my piece of advise is, he can enforce whatever thoughts he want in him, but if it's too much he'll back off, and label that person as unworkable with.
Although as I try to live through Christ everyday, I also begin to think that there's hope in us. I've learnt to put it this way: I've changed doesn't mean he'll change. I only have one expectation from my future husband - to be godly. Even if I've changed to be more godly doesn't mean he is godly as well, and I'm not into life-long transformation plan for him. So leave it, and pray for him if need be.
I'm still on my quest to print a A1 size world map. Hope it doesn't cost that much. I'm happy when doing God's work. I'm thankful that I can do it because God allows me to.
After joining precept I realized that before the class I barely give an hour a week for Jesus. For precept, I need to contribute 5hours to do the "comprehension", and then supposed to have last day to meditate on the word. Erm, given my restricted time, I need to do my YAF stuff before Friday because it is urgent. When doing God's work is important, I start to ponder if God's work or word is more important.
One good friend of mine was chatting with me today about his NEA contest. Funny thing is they extended the deadline again. -.-" now I'm wondering why they keep extending the competition. It does reflect badly on them. That aside, this friend of mine started complaining about "him". I have no idea why but I started defending him. This is crazy because I am starting to generate self-control on myself. I thank God that I made a little improvement. not much improvement, but that little improvement helps a lot. I realized that I keep using bible as reference going through my mind while trying to reason. But I guess that friend of mine started to get a little critical about it - like what I used to have. So my piece of advise is, he can enforce whatever thoughts he want in him, but if it's too much he'll back off, and label that person as unworkable with.
Although as I try to live through Christ everyday, I also begin to think that there's hope in us. I've learnt to put it this way: I've changed doesn't mean he'll change. I only have one expectation from my future husband - to be godly. Even if I've changed to be more godly doesn't mean he is godly as well, and I'm not into life-long transformation plan for him. So leave it, and pray for him if need be.
I'm still on my quest to print a A1 size world map. Hope it doesn't cost that much. I'm happy when doing God's work. I'm thankful that I can do it because God allows me to.
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Fellowship day (from livejournal)
Past two days I've been busy with YAF and precept and Duggars that I hardly have time to rest. I think I'm spending too much time on the Duggars hence this has to stop otherwise my precept homework cannot get done and my YAF publicity mate will scream! Just kidding about the screaming part.
Ok, spending time on Duggars is just too wasteful that I think this has to stop for awhile. My goodness! I need to buy two books for my two new students and inks for tomorrow. Probably I can do shopping tomorrow to get these things done while doing my homework in Tampines library. Man, it looks like a great idea!
Erm, no news from media ministry about announcing me and stuff. I'd better draft an email for the members online and let my "media ministry boss" see it. It's going to be exciting! Hee..just checked email. He said I can start contacting them. Oh my! I gotta start working with no Duggars!
Fellowship today helped a lot. I went to a charismatic church and learnt a great deal regarding taking notes for my precept. Then a very early dinner with a couple from church. At least I know we can talk as though we're quite close with the couple-friend of mine. They are like love birds but I guess I'm totally ok with being a lamp post because I did it before. God allows me to grow alone with couples whenever I'm single, and I'm so glad that things work out the way it should be.
I'm just glad God allows me to serve Him in order to get over my grief. That's probably the best way to heal someone. I'm still looking forward for God to send someone to me and cherish and love me like He does, and I do the same as a church does for Jesus. If I was to get married, I'll use the quote from revelation to remind myself that God want ladies to serve husbands like a church serve Jesus, and husbands to love, care and provide for the wife like Jesus does for the church. That'll be so nice.
Ok, spending time on Duggars is just too wasteful that I think this has to stop for awhile. My goodness! I need to buy two books for my two new students and inks for tomorrow. Probably I can do shopping tomorrow to get these things done while doing my homework in Tampines library. Man, it looks like a great idea!
Erm, no news from media ministry about announcing me and stuff. I'd better draft an email for the members online and let my "media ministry boss" see it. It's going to be exciting! Hee..just checked email. He said I can start contacting them. Oh my! I gotta start working with no Duggars!
Fellowship today helped a lot. I went to a charismatic church and learnt a great deal regarding taking notes for my precept. Then a very early dinner with a couple from church. At least I know we can talk as though we're quite close with the couple-friend of mine. They are like love birds but I guess I'm totally ok with being a lamp post because I did it before. God allows me to grow alone with couples whenever I'm single, and I'm so glad that things work out the way it should be.
I'm just glad God allows me to serve Him in order to get over my grief. That's probably the best way to heal someone. I'm still looking forward for God to send someone to me and cherish and love me like He does, and I do the same as a church does for Jesus. If I was to get married, I'll use the quote from revelation to remind myself that God want ladies to serve husbands like a church serve Jesus, and husbands to love, care and provide for the wife like Jesus does for the church. That'll be so nice.
Saturday, 2 July 2011
Early day! Yay! (from livejournal)
My earliest day I guess. Shifted my student from 7pm to 3pm because I wanted an early day since I'm not going to the church event. Still excited at the thought of it. ^^
Yesterday I was watching Duggars and Bates family. Similar size, and very, very blessed families. Their life kind of take my attention away from my life, and actually makes me thank God that I am blessed as well. Despite having an unwanted single life, I still thank God for such a life to be independent and to allow me to focus on Him. Although there are times I was focusing on "him", I thank God that I am able to contain my emotions to this journal so that I can move on with my life.
I plan to watch transformers, then do YAF pictures for tomorrow, and also do precept homework. I pray there's enough time! :)
**updated** no seating for transformers.. sadz.. I guess I'm left with YAF and precept.........
Yesterday I was watching Duggars and Bates family. Similar size, and very, very blessed families. Their life kind of take my attention away from my life, and actually makes me thank God that I am blessed as well. Despite having an unwanted single life, I still thank God for such a life to be independent and to allow me to focus on Him. Although there are times I was focusing on "him", I thank God that I am able to contain my emotions to this journal so that I can move on with my life.
I plan to watch transformers, then do YAF pictures for tomorrow, and also do precept homework. I pray there's enough time! :)
**updated** no seating for transformers.. sadz.. I guess I'm left with YAF and precept.........
Friday, 1 July 2011
I guess I slept too late last night (from livejournal)
Man, today I'm so tired! I guess I slept too late. I'll remember my mistake. Do not sleep late ah!!
Well, the moment I got up, went to grab a chocolate bread, made Milo, washed up and eat while preparing what I wanna do with my students today. Fruitful day! Even get to catch Joshua Duggar and Anna Keller's wedding episode. They are so funny! Lol. And then watched "Love" with mum. Eh..don't quite like the show but it's all about weddings today and it kinda made me feel uncomfortable. It's rather clear that the principles and moral values do make me feel a little uncomfortable. Still prefer Christian content.
Today, I continue giving myself some injection of words to help me forget about the possibility of "patching-up", by telling myself the differences and that we are not willing to work with each other, etc. Oh well, probably that's why I feel so tired too. I guess I'm going to reward myself with transformers tomorrow.
Today I did not really get to work on precept yet. Hopefully I can do it tonight too. ;) Man..so tired..
Well, the moment I got up, went to grab a chocolate bread, made Milo, washed up and eat while preparing what I wanna do with my students today. Fruitful day! Even get to catch Joshua Duggar and Anna Keller's wedding episode. They are so funny! Lol. And then watched "Love" with mum. Eh..don't quite like the show but it's all about weddings today and it kinda made me feel uncomfortable. It's rather clear that the principles and moral values do make me feel a little uncomfortable. Still prefer Christian content.
Today, I continue giving myself some injection of words to help me forget about the possibility of "patching-up", by telling myself the differences and that we are not willing to work with each other, etc. Oh well, probably that's why I feel so tired too. I guess I'm going to reward myself with transformers tomorrow.
Today I did not really get to work on precept yet. Hopefully I can do it tonight too. ;) Man..so tired..
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